trans

Today I had another blood transfusion...athough apparently I didn' t really need it. Unless something else happens, I'm free until next week when I start chemo again.

ok

It has been a long time since I have written. but I'm ok.

My computer actually was not working.

My sister is still here until tomorrow.

My mom is back.

And my husband is still wonderful

3rd Opinion

Still looking for a chemo choice to stop/kill this cancer.

Spent last week tapering my steroids, and now the doctors want to raise the dose. They're hoping this will take pressure off the spine and possibly allow for some mobility. Now this also means I'll be hungrier. And when you're on steroids, your face gets all puffy. I'll look like a balloon.

I've been very tired of watching repeats of HGTV, Bravo,Food Network,etc. I mentioned to my husband that for some reason I was interested in watching Little House on the Prairie......one of my favorite show growing up. So he bought me the entire series. What a sweet guy.

My cousin Richard took this picture
http://www.kyw1060.com/pages/4621113.php?

I Peter 2:21-24 "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

2nd Opinion

Here are the kids cuddling, watching a movie together. Sara took Max and Ella to the zoo, and Cameron was hanging out with a neighbor and went bowling with them.

My husband came home and we sought a 2nd opinion for treatment today. Nothing new. But it's always good to check. We'll try again tomorrow at the Mayo Clinic.

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2 Thessalonians 1:11-12[The Message]
Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what He's called you to be, pray that He'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the Name of Jesus, He will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving Himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving Himself freely.

Okay, I was wrong. I don't have chemo today. We'll probably continue with that next week. We're going to get a 2nd and 3rd opinion about treatment options...probably heading down to the Mayo Clinic one day next week.
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2 Corinthians 4:8-18
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.13 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in His presence. 15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal

My neighbors gave my mom and me a wonderful luncheon yesterday. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such kind people. These are the same friends who bring over meals.
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I was featured in a college textbook called Literature and the Child (7th Edition) for something I did with my middle school students. That was exciting to see.

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More chemo tomorrow.
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"By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence." 2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)

Happy Father's Day

As I've said before, my husband really is the best...whether it's with me or the kids. This weekend he took the kids boating, giving me time to rest...when he's the one who should have been sleeping in. He also took me to the movies....The Proposal was pretty good. We also went bowling at PINZ, and all the kids had a blast playing Laser Tag. The weather was so nice, we got to eat my husband's BBQ outside on our deck.

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My legs appear to be getting weaker. I can't even move either of them anymore.

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The temp has been so hot lately...my mother was able to take me for a walk. It's always nice to get out of the house and not be freezing!

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Cameron finished football camp last week. He was recognized by the head football coach as the 1-on-1 Competition Champion.
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Malachi 4:6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers;

Results of MRI

This is obviously an old picture of Ella and me. I meant to post it on her 1/2 birthday (June 6th) , but I forgot.

Things did not go well with the MRI. Actually the cancer is worse.. But we're running East..and not giving up. Now I'm not sure exactly what that means right now but stick with me in praying, please.
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I can't believe it, but New Kids on the Block was on TV yesterday morning!

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Also, the MRI showed some slight fractures in my back. I don't feel them.

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Hoping to get to the movies with my husband today.
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Jeremiah 23:29 says, "'Is my Word not like fire,' declares the Lord, 'and like a hammer that breaks rock in pieces?'" God's Word, spoken by us in and through our prayers, is powerful and effective, so effective it can move mountains, heal the sick, transform hearts, and change lives.

Poem link

Here's the link for the poem if you're interested in ordering it or something similar.

Running East

I've received a lot of gifts from people encouraging and praying for me. My Aunt Marianna and Uncle Keith sent me a framed copy of the poem below. I love it!

Today I Run East!
(A promise of HOPE)
By Barbara D. MacAdam

When I got the news, my world stood still. Like a breath in the twilight, tightly held through sheer will. So I’ve stayed in this dream state, suspended in time, where the past has not left and the future’s not mine.

Fear swells within me, and try as I might, I can’t stay where I am. I know I must fight. With a gasp my lungs burn, as I climb to my feet, but which way should I run—toward the West or toward the East?

The West holds my dreams & joys of my past. They are trapped in the sunset—how long would I last? I’d have to keep running just to stay in the light, but I’m growing so weary. I need help with this fight!

I rest my eyes briefly, lying prostrate due west, mourning precious time spent on this futile quest. The dark at my back, creeping forth from the East, holds the fear of the future like a stalking beast.

My heart has grown weary. My mind cannot cope. Shattered dreams slip through fingers—I’m losing all hope. Then a small voice recanted a promise I’d heard. “Come to Me all ye weary,” you can trust in My word.

It brought back a stirring of rekindled faith. I was flooded with HOPE and began to shake. What if I stood and faced down this beast—my fear of the unknown, that loomed in the East?

It then wouldn’t matter if I froze or I ran, for God’s earth has kept spinning since all time began. So I turned toward the darkness, no longer alone, and stepped in with arms reaching, as my soul searched for home.

And though the sun set behind me. I felt inner peace, for SUNRISE will soon meet me if,,,today I run East!
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Tomorrow I get an MRI, Chemo, and meet with an oncologist.

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Hebrews 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Weekend Update

It was a very busy weekend around here. Sunday I was able to make it to church, which is always good. We even were able to make it to brunch.

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Thank you to my friends who took my 2 boys to hang out with them this weekend. They had a lot of fun.

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Cameron starts football camp this week. Should be interesting.

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I do continue to pass out..which is not good.
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Do you know Jesus?

Eph. 3:14-16: "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;"

Blood Transfusion

I spent most of the day at the hospital.....again. My platelet counts were low, so I needed a blood tranfusion. All is well now.

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"Cast you burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee;" (Psalm 55:22)

The boys had their first track meet last night. Between my mom and my husband, I was able to see a lot of it, before it got too rainy and I became too tired.


Cameron ran the mile and got first for his age group, with a time of 7 min. 11 sec.


Max got first for his age in the 400 meters.

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My mom arranged a luncheon for my friends from my Spiritual Spa (Bible Study) group today. It was nice to be together again with this group of wonderful ladies. And I'm very grateful for all the work my mom did.

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Tomorrow I have more chemo, and Friday I have an appt with a neurologist.

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1 Peter 2:9 (New International Version)
9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

milestones

It was a week of milestones around here.

Max had his last day of preschool, and will start kindergarten in the fall.

Cameron had his last day of 2nd grade, and finally his loose tooth came out.

And Ella had her first dance recital. Although she did the little toddler moves, she did not smile the entire time. Nonetheless, the show was incredibly cute, and I'm so happy I was able to make it.

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I seem to be passing out a lot more than ever. It seems to happen mostly after I've been sitting for a while. And since I still can't walk......well....I'm obviously sitting a lot.

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Check out my niece singing a song for me here.

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Thessalonians 1:11-12[The Message]Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what He's called you to be, pray that He'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the Name of Jesus, He will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving Himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving Himself freely.

flowers and more

These are the flowers my neighbor planted.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Good news and bad news with my MRI. There are no new signs of cancer activity in my brain. But there is possibly slight growth on my spine, which may be causing the weakness that continues in my legs.

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I also had Chemo put into my Omaya Resevoir yesterday. This involves sticking a needle in my head. What fun! I think it's supposed to go down my spinal fluid better this way.

great people

Our nanny Sara took the kids to the zoo yesterday. I'm sure they had a fun time.
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Due to some headaches, I had an MRI yesterday. We should get the results back today.

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My friend Shawn is such sweetheart. She hung out with me last night while my husband was working and my mom took the kids to track.
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My neighbors continue to be wonderful. Last night no only did someone make my family a homemade dinner (thanks Kris), but someone else surprised me by planting flowers along the front of my house (they're beautiful Dalia).


Psalm 73:26"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." (KJV)

working for healing

My last cyberknife is over....for now. I might be even more fatigued for a while, but will hopfully gain more strength back.
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I have more chemo tomorrow and will visit with the oncologist.

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Max's preschool graduation is tomorrow. It should be so cute to see.
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Lamentations 3:21-25, "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him." (NIV)

this and that

Happy Memorial Day....a day late. I had a great time at a picnic with my friends.
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I have physical therapy today, and I have a cyberknife procedure for the next 3 days.

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My little Max and Ella are so sweet. This morning, as I was resting on the couch they both came up to me to give me kisses to start their day.
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Psalm 69:32, “The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.’” (NLT)

chemo

I'm sitting here getting chemo right now. This is now a weekly event. They give you all sorts of premeds so you're not nauseous or anything. This does involve involve Benydryl, so I do get very sleepy.

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I'm in really nice room with a private TV. The Food Network, HGTV, Bravo, and ABC usually are my channels of choice,

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When you walk into a doctor's office, and everyone who works there knows your name....I'm not sure if that's good customer service, or if I'm just at the doctor's way too much. Both I'm sure!

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FYI If you're commenting on my blog, and you're not a regisatered user, I cannot respond to your comment. Blogger will not let me. So please don't think I'm ignoring your message.

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Deuteronomy 31:8, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (NIV)

Exposed

I have people who call me their hero...tell me how brave I am, etc. etc. But I must say, this is not all true. So I decided in this blog to just put it all out there. Not at all because I want sympathy, but because I want people to know what those with cancer, or those in wheelchairs go through. I don't want to sugar coat everything.

First of all, not being able to walk makes everything difficult. Actually, if I'm lying down, I can't even sit myself up or move around. My husband has to turn me at night so I don't get bedsores.

Using the bathroom is an event in itself. We had to turn our laundry room into a makeshift bathroom, using a commode (a portable toilet), in order to accomodate the size of my wheelchair. And I have numbness in all different sorts of my body, so I actually cannot really feel all the time when I need to use the bathroom. After too many accidents last week, I finally resorted to what I call "adult diapers" or Depends. I was mortified at first, but was convinced that if I didn't use them, I'd be stuck in my house.

I also cannot feel when I actually do use the bathroom. I have to listen carefully and hear myself urinate or have a bowel movement. Gross.....I know....but it's the truth.

Also, I am very emotional. I can cry very easily. Things like numbers and time continue to be confusing to me, and my short term memory is still messed up. And that's hard for me to deal with.

And sometimes I get a glimps in the mirror. And I know I'm not supposed to care how I look...I need to be happy to be alive...but when I see that reflection, I just want to hide. My husband reassures me all the time that I am beautiful still, but I just want to look like I did before all this started. Cameron actually said that he forgot what I looked like with long hair!

I have more to say, but I'm going to end it by saying that the real heroes are my husband, who help and love me non-conditionally, my mom who helps me constantly so I can get out and try to be "normal," and those in wheelchairs who overcome such obstacles everyday. They are the heroes.

Now I must go....as the weather is nice, and my mom is going to take me for a walk.


Psalm 6:1 Yahweh, don’t rebuke me in your anger,
neither discipline me in your wrath.
cb(6,2);
6:2 Have mercy on me, Yahweh, for I am faint.
Yahweh, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
cb(6,3);
6:3 My soul is also in great anguish.
But you, Yahweh—how long?
cb(6,4);
6:4 Return, Yahweh. Deliver my soul,
and save me for your loving kindness’ sake.
cb(6,5);
6:5 For in death there is no memory of you.
In Sheol, who shall give you thanks?
cb(6,6);
6:6 I am weary with my groaning.
Every night I flood my bed.
I drench my couch with my tears.
cb(6,7);
6:7 My eye wastes away because of grief.
It grows old because of all my adversaries.
cb(6,8);
6:8 Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity,
for Yahweh has heard the voice of my weeping.
cb(6,9);
6:9 Yahweh has heard my supplication.
Yahweh accepts my prayer.