Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.

Sunday, May 31, 2009


I can"t help but continue laugh at this little girl of mine.
My mom comes back tonight. We're all happy about that around here.
Yesterday we were able to go see the movie UP. I thought it was really good. We also visited a new game/arcade/bowling place in the area called PINZ.
Numbers 23:19"God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good

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Friday, May 29, 2009


Max had his preschool graduation today.

Here he is with his wonderful teacher.

I was very happy that I was able to be there to see him.

Deuterotomy...Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people." 7 What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him? 8 And what other nation is so great as to have such righteous decrees and laws as this body of laws I am setting before you today?
9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

working for healing

My last cyberknife is over....for now. I might be even more fatigued for a while, but will hopfully gain more strength back.

I have more chemo tomorrow and will visit with the oncologist.


Max's preschool graduation is tomorrow. It should be so cute to see.

Lamentations 3:21-25, "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him." (NIV)

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Down on the farm

Ella had a friend over today. They had fun dressing in costumes. -----------------------------------------------------------------

Max had a field trip to a farm today. Here one of the parents is helping him hold a cat.


I finished my 2nd Cyberknife. Despite my Ativan to relax me, I was much more uncomfortable. Pray with me that tomorrow will be a better experience.


ISAIAH 11:6-9 And the wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. And the cow and the bear shall feed, their young ones shall lie down together, and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice's den. They shall not hurt or destroy in all My holy mountain, for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

this and that

Happy Memorial Day....a day late. I had a great time at a picnic with my friends.

I have physical therapy today, and I have a cyberknife procedure for the next 3 days.


My little Max and Ella are so sweet. This morning, as I was resting on the couch they both came up to me to give me kisses to start their day.

Psalm 69:32, “The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.’” (NLT)

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Party time

I was able to make it to church again yesterday, and today I'm hoping to get to a picnic today with my Bible study group and our families.

Cameron's birthday party went very well. And we had some great parent helpers....along with my husband, who really was Superdad!

Here's Cameron playing Deal or No Deal.

Some of the younger kids actually won some stuffed animals from the Crane Game.

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Friday, May 22, 2009


I'm sitting here getting chemo right now. This is now a weekly event. They give you all sorts of premeds so you're not nauseous or anything. This does involve involve Benydryl, so I do get very sleepy.
I'm in really nice room with a private TV. The Food Network, HGTV, Bravo, and ABC usually are my channels of choice,

When you walk into a doctor's office, and everyone who works there knows your name....I'm not sure if that's good customer service, or if I'm just at the doctor's way too much. Both I'm sure!

FYI If you're commenting on my blog, and you're not a regisatered user, I cannot respond to your comment. Blogger will not let me. So please don't think I'm ignoring your message.


Deuteronomy 31:8, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (NIV)

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Cameron's 8th Birthday

Happy 8th Birthday Cameron!

Above is the book his Aunt Dana sent him. He was up at 3am, wanting to open his first gift. We sent him back to bed, needless to say.

Here is Cameron with his Pokemon cake.

He was very excited to get some new video games.

He's been very sweet, helping me out whenever I need something that I can't get when I'm in my wheelchair.

His birthday party is on Saturday, so expect to see more pics then.

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Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I have people who call me their hero...tell me how brave I am, etc. etc. But I must say, this is not all true. So I decided in this blog to just put it all out there. Not at all because I want sympathy, but because I want people to know what those with cancer, or those in wheelchairs go through. I don't want to sugar coat everything.

First of all, not being able to walk makes everything difficult. Actually, if I'm lying down, I can't even sit myself up or move around. My husband has to turn me at night so I don't get bedsores.

Using the bathroom is an event in itself. We had to turn our laundry room into a makeshift bathroom, using a commode (a portable toilet), in order to accomodate the size of my wheelchair. And I have numbness in all different sorts of my body, so I actually cannot really feel all the time when I need to use the bathroom. After too many accidents last week, I finally resorted to what I call "adult diapers" or Depends. I was mortified at first, but was convinced that if I didn't use them, I'd be stuck in my house.

I also cannot feel when I actually do use the bathroom. I have to listen carefully and hear myself urinate or have a bowel movement. Gross.....I know....but it's the truth.

Also, I am very emotional. I can cry very easily. Things like numbers and time continue to be confusing to me, and my short term memory is still messed up. And that's hard for me to deal with.

And sometimes I get a glimps in the mirror. And I know I'm not supposed to care how I look...I need to be happy to be alive...but when I see that reflection, I just want to hide. My husband reassures me all the time that I am beautiful still, but I just want to look like I did before all this started. Cameron actually said that he forgot what I looked like with long hair!

I have more to say, but I'm going to end it by saying that the real heroes are my husband, who help and love me non-conditionally, my mom who helps me constantly so I can get out and try to be "normal," and those in wheelchairs who overcome such obstacles everyday. They are the heroes.

Now I must go....as the weather is nice, and my mom is going to take me for a walk.

Psalm 6:1 Yahweh, don’t rebuke me in your anger,
neither discipline
me in your wrath.
6:2 Have mercy on me, Yahweh, for I am faint.
Yahweh, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
6:3 My soul is also in great anguish.
But you, Yahweh—how long?
6:4 Return, Yahweh. Deliver my soul,
and save me for your loving kindness’ sake.
6:5 For in death there is no memory of you.
Sheol, who shall give you thanks?
6:6 I am weary with my groaning.
Every night I flood my bed.
I drench my couch with my tears.
6:7 My eye wastes away because of grief.
It grows old because of all my adversaries.
6:8 Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity,
for Yahweh has heard the voice of my weeping.
6:9 Yahweh has heard my supplication.
Yahweh accepts my prayer.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Will miss dad, chemo fine

We had a good weekend around here. Well, I did have t0 spend all day at the hospital on Saturday getting chemo...but I didn't have any negative side effects. On Sunday, I did get out with my parents to the grocery store. Sounds funny that going to Cub Foods is a fun outing. But it was. My dad also wheeled me around the neighborhood before he goes back home to work tomorrow morning. He will be missed!

Did I ever tell you that my brother is a fast runner? Check him out here.

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Friday, May 15, 2009

track stars

Yesterday I had the chance to see Cameron and Max at track practice. That was a lot of fun. Last year Max acted like he didn't want to run. But this year he's very happy about it. When he found out that he got to run around the entire track, he was so excited. Now Cameron, on the other hand, doesn't seem as excited. It used to be that after his regular practice he'd run a 1/2 mile or more. But last night he said he didn't want to, and yet he said he'd still do well when it's time for the meets........we'll see. Ella ran all around as well, even though she's not old enough to be on the team yet.


Still no word about starting chemo yet. We were hoping to start today. I think tomorrow will probably be the day considering how late it is starting to get.

Because I thought maybe my chemo might be this morning, I didn't make it to my Bible study group (Moms' Spiritual Spa). That's always a bummer.

3 John 1:2 (English Standard Version)
2Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Need New Chemo

Looks like I won't be having the BBBD therapy. The doctor said he wouldn't do it if there wasn't improvement. Well, the MRI showed that the cancer is worse in the spine. Now we need to look at some different chemo. The good news is that there is no new cancer in the brain.

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Monday, May 11, 2009

Walk for the Cure

Yesterday was the Race for the Cure. My Aunt Kathy, who is at the back of this photo, had all these shirts made for the approx. 20 people who walked for me. This is mostly my dad's side of the family.In this photo you'll see more of my mom's side of the family.
I am so thankful to everyone for their efforts.
Yesterday was a great Mother's Day. I was able to get to church and go out to breakfast. Then my husband grilled me some great BBQ chicken. My husband also bought my mom and I "The Bullet." I just had a smoothie from it this morning, and it seemed to work well.

I have an MRI today and tomorrow.

Hebrews 12:1,.... and let us run with perseverence the race that is set before us

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Friday, May 08, 2009

A good morning

Today I finally was able to attend my Moms' Spiritual Spa. It was good to get out and fellowship with my friends.

My cousin is in the hospital right now about to have twins. So please pray for her.


The Lions Woodbury Garage Sale ends tomorrow. You can probably get some good deals.


John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)


Wednesday, May 06, 2009

All 3 down

All 3 of my cyberknife treatments are over for now. As I said before, I guess the radiation can make me tired.

Apparently I've been having issues with "passing out" or "losing time" when I try to stand up. I'm not sure if it's due to fatigue, lack of food/sugar at the moment, or another seizure.


My mom is here again....which has been great for us. She says her back is better.


For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
2nd Cor. 4:16 King James Version

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Monday, May 04, 2009

2 down

Today I had my 2nd cyberknife procedure. Everything went much smoother as far as being able to lie there still for an hour. With my Ativan, it was quite relaxing. I have one more procedure tomorrow. Unfortunately the procedures seem to be making me weaker. Apparantly since this is radiation, it's normal for this to be happening.


That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love. (Ephesians 3:16-17)

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Sunday, May 03, 2009

Kid pics

Ella, Max and our Nanny Sara's Son Leo play under their pillow house. Max participates in a trike-a-thon at his school.
I love this picture of Ella at Teddybear park.

Cameron posing at the Minnesota Zoo.

Acts 19:20.........I thank you Father that Your Word prevails over our children


Saturday, May 02, 2009

need joy, have joy

I hear a lot about how strong I am, but lately I can tell you that I've been nothing but weak, both physically and emotionally. I'm not sure why, but a lot has been making me cry lately. Sometimes there's a reason for it, sometimes the tears just come down for no reason.

My husband continues to be so wonderful, basically having to do everything for me.

We will continue with Cyberknife on Monday and Tuesday afternoon.

My kids, especially Ella when she tells me I'm bald, still make me giggle.


If you can, said Jesus. Everything is possible for him who believes.

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Friday, May 01, 2009

1 cyberknife down 2 to go.

My patience, and I'm sure my husband's persistance, has paid off. I was able to have the first part of my cyberknife procedure today. Lying in one spot for an hour was not fun, and although I could have taken a break, I just wanted the procedure to be done and without chance for error. I have two more hour long procedures next week. I'll have to update any progress then.
My mom's back is still hurting. She's traveling back to Indiana this weekend to deal with some dental issues and spend time with my dad. Hopefully she can get some rest for her back while away from my kiddos.
My platelets are back up, so that's good news.
1 Peter 2:20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

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