more pics

Watching fireworks

3 kids catching candy at a small town parade

My dad and mom at the parade. Unfortunately my dad had to go back home to work.

2nd Opinion

Here are the kids cuddling, watching a movie together. Sara took Max and Ella to the zoo, and Cameron was hanging out with a neighbor and went bowling with them.

My husband came home and we sought a 2nd opinion for treatment today. Nothing new. But it's always good to check. We'll try again tomorrow at the Mayo Clinic.

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2 Thessalonians 1:11-12[The Message]
Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what He's called you to be, pray that He'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the Name of Jesus, He will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving Himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving Himself freely.

Happy Father's Day

As I've said before, my husband really is the best...whether it's with me or the kids. This weekend he took the kids boating, giving me time to rest...when he's the one who should have been sleeping in. He also took me to the movies....The Proposal was pretty good. We also went bowling at PINZ, and all the kids had a blast playing Laser Tag. The weather was so nice, we got to eat my husband's BBQ outside on our deck.

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My legs appear to be getting weaker. I can't even move either of them anymore.

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The temp has been so hot lately...my mother was able to take me for a walk. It's always nice to get out of the house and not be freezing!

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Cameron finished football camp last week. He was recognized by the head football coach as the 1-on-1 Competition Champion.
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Malachi 4:6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers;

The boys had their first track meet last night. Between my mom and my husband, I was able to see a lot of it, before it got too rainy and I became too tired.


Cameron ran the mile and got first for his age group, with a time of 7 min. 11 sec.


Max got first for his age in the 400 meters.

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My mom arranged a luncheon for my friends from my Spiritual Spa (Bible Study) group today. It was nice to be together again with this group of wonderful ladies. And I'm very grateful for all the work my mom did.

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Tomorrow I have more chemo, and Friday I have an appt with a neurologist.

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1 Peter 2:9 (New International Version)
9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

milestones

It was a week of milestones around here.

Max had his last day of preschool, and will start kindergarten in the fall.

Cameron had his last day of 2nd grade, and finally his loose tooth came out.

And Ella had her first dance recital. Although she did the little toddler moves, she did not smile the entire time. Nonetheless, the show was incredibly cute, and I'm so happy I was able to make it.

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I seem to be passing out a lot more than ever. It seems to happen mostly after I've been sitting for a while. And since I still can't walk......well....I'm obviously sitting a lot.

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Check out my niece singing a song for me here.

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Thessalonians 1:11-12[The Message]Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what He's called you to be, pray that He'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the Name of Jesus, He will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving Himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving Himself freely.

this and that

Happy Memorial Day....a day late. I had a great time at a picnic with my friends.
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I have physical therapy today, and I have a cyberknife procedure for the next 3 days.

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My little Max and Ella are so sweet. This morning, as I was resting on the couch they both came up to me to give me kisses to start their day.
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Psalm 69:32, “The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.’” (NLT)

track stars

Yesterday I had the chance to see Cameron and Max at track practice. That was a lot of fun. Last year Max acted like he didn't want to run. But this year he's very happy about it. When he found out that he got to run around the entire track, he was so excited. Now Cameron, on the other hand, doesn't seem as excited. It used to be that after his regular practice he'd run a 1/2 mile or more. But last night he said he didn't want to, and yet he said he'd still do well when it's time for the meets........we'll see. Ella ran all around as well, even though she's not old enough to be on the team yet.

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Still no word about starting chemo yet. We were hoping to start today. I think tomorrow will probably be the day considering how late it is starting to get.
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Because I thought maybe my chemo might be this morning, I didn't make it to my Bible study group (Moms' Spiritual Spa). That's always a bummer.

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3 John 1:2 (English Standard Version)
2Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.

Kid pics

Ella, Max and our Nanny Sara's Son Leo play under their pillow house. Max participates in a trike-a-thon at his school.

I love this picture of Ella at Teddybear park.

Cameron posing at the Minnesota Zoo.

Acts 19:20.........I thank you Father that Your Word prevails over our children

Saturday morning

Hi friends and family!

Feeling good this morning. I usually feel pretty good in the morning. Aren't Saturday's great!

Cameron had a program at school yesterday. All of us went. He was NOT happy that we made him dress up....he still does not like "button shirts" but oh well...

Ella was really good when we were there. Our babysitter and friend Sara was there as well, and I am very grateful for that.

Max is so funny. He's downstairs right now, saying over and over and over and over again, as Cameron plays a video game. "Let's go Go Cameron yeah yeah!" "Let's Go Cameron yeah yeah!" His teacher said he's been talking a lot more lately. So that's really good.

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Isaiah 53:4-5
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed.

We all should boast about our kids more

Just need to say some good things about my kids.

Cameron
My oldest is just a busy bee. He's interested in so many things. From finishing Diary of a Wimpy Kid Three, playing his video games, working on a school knitting project, playing with friends, etc. We had his conference with his teacher and he's doing very well. I'm very proud of him.

Max
My middle child had his Kindergarten screening this week. He officially can now enter Kindergarten in the fall. Woo hoo! As usual, Max is very helpful and loves his art. He would draw and color and cut all day if I let him. I have him enrolled in an art class so he'd have something just for him to do. Now I still need to figure out what to do with all those projects!

Ella
When she's not driving me up a wall half the time with her stubbornness, Ella is cracking me up. The other day she wanted to go to Max's art class. I told her that Max goes to art class, and she goes to dance class. She looked at me and adamantly yelled, "Dance class is BORING!" Such a silly girl. That little munchkin loves dance class. She's just growing and growing and it's fun to hear her mind working!

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You're turn. Brag on your kids here.

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For God hath not given us the Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

All went well.

I just need to say....God is good.

Today went very well. The kids were good. Even with my husband working all night, everything went very smoothly. The house isn't even in shambles...(um, except the basement). Thank you Lord for a wonderful day.

I was even able to run/walk for 3 miles on the treadmill this evening. Woo hoo!

Tomorrow I have chemo through the lumbar puncture. On my back all day again!


“Let the morning bring our children word of your unfailing love, for they have put their trust in You. Show them the way they should go, for to You they lift up their soul." (Adapted from Psalm 143:8)

Building Buddies

I've been on the treadmill a couple times this week. Walking mostly, and then doing a minute or two of running sometimes as well. SLOW.....I'm VERY SLOW. But I'm just trying not to fall over right now. The past 2 nights I've felt good after running. Today has not been an easy day, as far as pain and fogginess goes, so we'll see if the exercise helps tonight.

I had an MRI of the brain and spine again today. Lying on my back seems to cause more head and neck pain, so you can imagine how pleasant that experience was. But I got through it, and I guess I'll get the results tomorrow.

And after my week off, I'm back on my chemo pill of Xeloda...which doesn't seem to have negative side effects for me. Actually, I seem to feel worse when I'm off it. We'll see how this works out this week.

I'm leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So, don't be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27)

Hustle and bustle

Yawn!!!!!!!!!!! These days right before Christmas sure are tiring. This morning, I had so much to do, but Ella decided to wake me me up at 4:00 AM. Usually she just goes back to sleep if I put her in my bed. But today she decided to roll around all over me for a couple hours until we finally went down to the couch to sleep and then she informed me that the sky was pink and not dark, so it was time to get up.

This was not the day for me to be so exhausted. All I wanted to do was go back to bed. So that I wouldn't, as soon as I made sure Cameron was on the bus, the only thing I did to get ready to go out was brush my teeth and put on a pair of jeans. I didn't wash my face, put on make up, or even change the fleece sweatshirt I slept in. I was looking pretty bad as I wandered through the mall trying to pick up all the gifts I waited to buy at the last minute. But I must say, I didn't care one bit. And the only people who sorta snubbed me were those working at Hollister.

Cameron was funny tonight. He kept wanting me to open one of his gifts. I kept telling him I was going to wait until Christmas. Finally he was bugging me enough that I gave in. When he gave me the gift, he was laughing. I opened what I could tell was a book, to discover a an old "teaching" book of mine. Cameron wrapped up the book somewhat as a joke, but what he doesn't know, is that it really meant something to me. Because I miss teaching. I was especially missing it this evening because I had just read some Christmas letters from some former colleagues of mine. But there will be time for teaching, when I'm healed, and my kids are all back in school.

Here's a picture one morning of Cameron doing a "Reading Lesson" with Max. I used the same book (How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" to teach Cam how to read, and although Max and I have gotten a late start, he's progressing nicely.

John 15:16
Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

Our daily grind

It was negative one this morning...with a windchill below negative 20. And it snowed last night. I am so grateful for our snowplow service!

Started my new chemo pill Xeloda today. So far, I'm fine. Here's some info about it. Apparently most people don't lose their hair. Now, my hair is already gone from the head radiation...so I'm not sure if this means it will still grow back. If not, the very sweet au pair (nanny) across the street who is a hairstylist and cuts hair and wigs for runway models and such gave my wig a new style. I like it much better, and even wore it to the movies last week. When I find the picture I took, I'll post it here.

Doing physical and occupational therapy twice a week. I have math homework! Cameron looked at it and asked me if I wanted him to do it for me....that little munchkin!

This was my first "school day" without my mom here. With the help of some friends, I had some drivers for my appointments and getting Max to and from school. Except for the physical stuff that I just can't do right now because of my arm...well shoulder actually...like lifting up Ella...I was able to do mostly everything. The kids were actually really good this morning....instead of the usual whining, screaming and begging. Today Cameron was teaching Max and Ella how to read. He was doing a really good job, and Max and Ella were actually learning from him!Next I'm going to try driving....after the roads are all completely plowed and free of ice. If I am able to drive again, then my mom can finally go back home to my dad (not that I want her to leave at all...but she does have a home and another "life" besides taking care of me and my kids). Please pray that things continue to go in a positive direction.

Matthew 15:30-31

And great multitudes came unto him, having with them those that were lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast them down at Jesus' feet; and he healed them; insomuch that the multitude wondered, when they saw the dumb to speak, the maimed to be whole, the lame to walk, and the blind to see; and they glorified the God of Israel.

Long Ago

We had a very busy weekend! Friday night my mom got us tickets through my Uncle Chris to go see Disney on Ice. The kids really enjoyed it, and Ella keeps asking me what I liked in it. She decided that she liked Tinkerbell. Cameron and I liked The Lion King and Max liked The Little Mermaid. When my mom first brought up going, I didn't know how I'd be feeling, and I was tempted to just say no. But I decided that all family things will be a "yes" answer. Then if for some reason, on that particular day, if I'm not feeling well, well, then I might have to say no. But for now, as long as it's not too physical, and it doesn't require me to lift up Ella by myself, I'm game for going mostly anywhere.

On Saturday evening we took a holiday lights bus tour around our city. We saw over a dozen extravagantly lit houses. Last year I mapped out a route and took the kids around. It was more fun this year letting someone else take us around. And we won a bunch of door prizes, which is always fun.

Today we went to visit a friends' church that they just acquired. The church reminded me of the building where my husband and I were married. So that was fun.

Speaking of married, check out this picture:

That's my grandmother and grandfather. Cameron was doing a project for school about "long ago." My Aunt Nancy was able to scan in some old pictures and e-mail them to us so we could print them out. Cameron's projected ended up being about the old car. He learned that the car didn't have any seat belts, but there was heat. There was also a radio, but no navigation system.

Here are some more photos to enjoy. The baby is my Aunt Nancy and the girl is my mom. They're in Ocean City, New Jersey I assume.

My Aunt Nancy in a stroller and that's my Uncle Jimmy behind her (I think).

My grandmother standing next to another car...probably in Camden, New Jersey.

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. Proverbs 17:6

A nice knitter, a fat face, and some cute kids

A really nice lady who reads my blog RuthieJ knitted me some very beautiful, comfortable and warm hats. Perfect for this Minnesota weather! I was just going to post a picture of the hats, because I HATE the way I look right now. Of course I have no hair, the steroids make my face fat and and my eyes puffy as well. But you know what, there's nothing I can do about it. It's just the way things are going to be right now, so I'm finding myself just learning to be okay with it.
Now for some cuter pictures. Here's a rare moment of Ella actually smiling for the camera. She was so excited when she woke up from her nap and saw the tree...you'd think it was Christmas morning already she just couldn't stop smiling. We don't have one of those "department store" Christmas trees where all the ornaments match. But the kids and I, and Cameron especially, like to look at the different ornaments that they made over the year. He and Max also play "I Spy" with the ornaments on the tree.

Max wanted to be like his big brother and see how high he could climb the ladder when putting up the ornaments.

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Depart from evil and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. Psalms 34:14

Feeling much better

Today was a complete turn around from the weekend. Lots of good today.

I drove by myself, went grocery shopping and bought a new pair of shoes. I have not been driving since my brain surgery two months ago. Mostly my mom drives me around, and although she never complains I feel bad asking her to take me everywhere. So it was nice just to jump in the car and go. (When at Mayo last week, my husband let me drive home to "test" my skills...obviously they were fine).

I woke up with energy today. Maybe it was because I slept all night without interruption, but whatever it was, I was well rested. I was not lethargic and didn't even need a nap today.

I had to go into my husband's hospital today to give him something when he was in surgery. While there, I met some of the nurses who work with him. They were so nice and spoke very highly of my husband, so that was nice to hear.

I talked on the phone to my sister. I actually hadn't done this in quite awhile. Just haven't been feeling well, and didn't want to be the messenger of my all my bad medical news. She lives in New Jersey, so I don't get to see her that often. However, she is coming out here in a couple weeks.

A neighbor dropped off the best chicken noodle soup I have ever had.

Last week Max was asking me his phone number. Then he was trying to memorize it. He finally asked me to just write it down for him on a piece of paper. He then told me that he needed it because he wanted Rosie, a girl in his class, to come to his house. Today, Rosie, actually called him, and now we have "playdate" set up for next week. Despite how much they look a like, my little Max kid is SO different from his brother, who has no interest in girls at all....and I'm perfectly fine with that!!!!!!!

I got an e-mail message from the author of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and he's going to send Cameron a signed copy of the journal. Cameron's been writing in his copy constantly, so I know he is going to love a new signed copy as well.

God has been working in so many people's lives through my struggles. Our pastor talked about when you surrender to Christ, you surrender it ALL. You don't get to pick and choose what you want to surrender. You give your LIFE to God. And that's something that I'm trying to not understand, because it is all beyond my human understanding, but rather something I'm really trying to accept and live for. To please God, whatever that means.


Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Luke 14:27-28 Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?"

Fatigued

Usually Sunday is one of my better days. Today it didn't seem to be. I did get to church, but that was about it. I'm just so weak and lethargic. The thought of even walking anywhere to try to get some energy up just seems like too much work. I was reading about the Blood Brain Barrier procedure today with the computer on my lap and fell right to sleep like that.

All this weekend I find myself just drifting off in a daze a bit. I think the radiation is starting to have a negative effect on my cognition a bit. I only have 3 more days of the brain zapping, then a few more of the spine, and then I should be done with radiation. Woo hoo!

Right now I'm just so frustrated that I can't do the things I want to do or that people want me to do. Cameron had a birthday party to go to. I wanted to bring him and take Max and Ella some place fun while the party was going on. At the last minute I backed out and let my mom take them. I was just too tired. Today my friend Libby took the boys after church, and then Melvin took all the kids to hangout at an arcade/bowling place downtown where they like to go. I wanted to be there with them. I should be trying to have fun with them. I don't want them to remember me as being too sick to do anything with them.

At the prompting of my husband, when he had the kids out, my mom and I went to a movie. As long as I'm not too tired, or in pain, or dealing with stomach issues...then I can watch a movie. I like losing myself in the storyline, momentarily allowing myself to forget about all that's medically happening right now.

But movies are only temporary, and I gotta get a grip on all that's happening. Here's to a more energizing and uplifting day tomorrow!

Many happy faces

One of the many blessings of this battle I've been facing is the amazing people who have surrounded me with so much love, support, understanding, prayer, etc. I say it over and over again, but what else can I do. I am so incredibly thankful...whether you get a phone call or message from me or not. Your words, notes, thoughts, prayers, are so encouraging.

Our "angel" is our photographer Kathleen Smith. I wrote about her briefly a couple weeks back when she came to our house to photograph my family at the very last minute. After I had my surgery, I just felt like I needed to have some pictures of me with my kids before I lost all my hair again. Kathleen came right out that weekend to take photos at our home, and she came back to take more when it wasn't raining.

Not only does Kathleen do her own photography, but she also volunteers for the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation. She took photos for my friend Andrea when her son Nathaniel was born, and Kathleen has now blessed my family with her wonderful talents...which she again donated.

Below are just a few of her fabulous shots. I will try to create a link to the whole batch, if you're interested in seeing more.

Thank you Kathleen for your blessing to my family.

At least I still have my hair...for the moment.

Radiation continues. I think I've completed 8 treatments. But the thing is, it's weird going through it, but not knowing if it's doing a darn thing, because nothing really feels different. Um, let me rephrase that. Things feel different, but they don't feel better. If the purpose of the radiation is to eradicate all cancer/left-over tumors, than it seems that the trouble that tumors may be causing would be easing up. But it doesn't feel that way at all.

The numbness and odd sensations along my tongue and now into my lower teeth continue to spread. I'm pretty good about not biting my tongue now, but it is always a concern. However, I'm not able to taste things very well, which isn't beneficial when trying to keep an appetite up. The other head/neck/back/ear etc. usual pain still continues. But the head pain is not so intense. BUT, is that because the cancer is going away, or because I'm still on the steroids that relieves the pressure. which is what finally relieved some pain last week.

I also have continued numbness and swelling in my right knee, feeling like there's water in there. It's actually causing me to limp a little. When I had my spinal tap, we thought this was a side effect of it. Not sure if this continued numbness and swelling is supposed to happen.

Mentally, it's been a bit strange. I feel a little foggy at times. Like I'll wander around and just not be able to get anything accomplished. I can't figure out what to do first. And I often go back and look at what I've typed in e-mails and it's not so comprehensible with word choice or spelling. I'm still not really good with times and schedules, and some of that is getting better, and in other ways is getting worse. Again, don't know if it's radiation/tumor/brain damage related.

Can you tell that I'm a bit unsettled.

I'm not meaning to be such a downer here. I'm really just writing out my symptoms and issues to go over with my radiation oncologist tomorrow.

But on a good note, when I'm distracted by the fun of my kids, I feel better. Tonight, except for a few usual Max and Ella fits, things went very well. When I made Cameron do extra reading for homework, he didn't even complain, and instead, read outloud his Pokemon chapter book to Ella. When she got tired of listening to him, she found her own books to look though, while Max and I worked on a couple reading lessons. Cameron also helped Max go outside and look for items that began with the letter A for an assignment Max has this week. All the kids joined me in making some muffins from scratch (yes, I said from scratch...that's what happens when I get around my baking friends for a weekend), and they actually did pretty well with taking turns. I was able to overlook any pain and just have fun with them.

Although, it was kinda hard not to get mad when I finally put them to bed and found 18 pee-filled pullups stacked up behind Max and Cameron's computer tower in their room. After lying about it first, Max finally admited to doing it...of course with a smile on his face! Their room has been smelling like pee for the past couple weeks, and I couldn't figure out why. Well, now I know!-------------------------------------

Matthew 8:23-26

And after He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. And suddenly, behold, there arose a violent storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered up by the waves; but He was sleeping. And they sent and awakened Him, saying, Lord, rescue and preserve us! We are perishing! And He said to them, Why are you timed and afraid, O you of little faith? Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great and wonderful calm.