Results of MRI

This is obviously an old picture of Ella and me. I meant to post it on her 1/2 birthday (June 6th) , but I forgot.

Things did not go well with the MRI. Actually the cancer is worse.. But we're running East..and not giving up. Now I'm not sure exactly what that means right now but stick with me in praying, please.
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I can't believe it, but New Kids on the Block was on TV yesterday morning!

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Also, the MRI showed some slight fractures in my back. I don't feel them.

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Hoping to get to the movies with my husband today.
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Jeremiah 23:29 says, "'Is my Word not like fire,' declares the Lord, 'and like a hammer that breaks rock in pieces?'" God's Word, spoken by us in and through our prayers, is powerful and effective, so effective it can move mountains, heal the sick, transform hearts, and change lives.

Not good news

I got the results from my MRI back. The results show worsening cancer in my spine. Doctor Hunt, who does the Blood Brain Barrier Disruption, allowing chemo to get into the brain and spine, isn't really sure that's a good idea anymore. But we're convincing him to try at least one more time. What other choice do I have? Just do nothing? That's not an option I'm going to take right now.
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Proverbs 16:20, "Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord." (NIV)

MRI Test

I made it through my 2 MRI's these past two days without any intermittent pain. I had the burning pain before and after the tests, and it still continues but not during the test. So that was good. They tested my head and my spine.

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If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
—James 1:5-6

Still home...which is wonderful of course. I have a lot of help at home with my mom, and our sitter Sara is very helpful with the kids.
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I'm still on a lot of medication that makes me drowsy. In the morning, from vitamins to antibiotics to steroids, I take about 12 pills! It's a little less at night.


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I only had 3 episodes of intermittent burning pain last night when I was trying to sleep, so praise God for that.


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As with most chemo, it's making my hair fall out. Which means it's working, so that's good. You can't see it too well in this picture, but I have a reverse mohawk!

That dent in the back is where I've had brain surgery before.

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And I wish it were, but none of this is an April Fool's joke.

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I do have a big prayer request. Thursday and Friday I have an MRI of my head and one of my spine. I'm very worried about having the burning pain during this procedure where I need to lie completely still.

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Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you. 1Peter 5:7

Gophers, MRI, Movie

We had a really good time at the Gopher's basketball game last night. I forgot how much fun college games are. I hadn't been to a college game since my sophomore year at Indiana University. I hate to admit that tonight I almost didn't go. Five minutes before leaving, I was lying in bed, head hurting, feeling worn out. But I just wanted to do this with Cameron. Along with Melvin, Cameron also brought a friend, and together, we all had fun.

I got my MRI results back, and they were good.....PRAISE GOD! There's no new cancer in the brain and in the area of the spine where the scan was done. And there was some decrease in the cancer as well. This was only for part of my spine. I'm not sure when I'll have an MRI for the some of the other areas. I'll try to post the actual "medical results" this weekend, for those who understand all that jargon

If you're looking for a fun, girly, lighthearted movie this weekend, check out The Bride Wars. My mom and I went to see it tonight, and it was a good time. Warning....there was only one guy in the theatre....it definitely is a chickflick!

Continued thanks for all the kind thoughts and prayers!

"Alas, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! There is nothing too hard or too wonderful for you."

Building Buddies

I've been on the treadmill a couple times this week. Walking mostly, and then doing a minute or two of running sometimes as well. SLOW.....I'm VERY SLOW. But I'm just trying not to fall over right now. The past 2 nights I've felt good after running. Today has not been an easy day, as far as pain and fogginess goes, so we'll see if the exercise helps tonight.

I had an MRI of the brain and spine again today. Lying on my back seems to cause more head and neck pain, so you can imagine how pleasant that experience was. But I got through it, and I guess I'll get the results tomorrow.

And after my week off, I'm back on my chemo pill of Xeloda...which doesn't seem to have negative side effects for me. Actually, I seem to feel worse when I'm off it. We'll see how this works out this week.

I'm leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So, don't be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27)

MRI Report

Below is the report from my last MRI that involved 2 areas of my spine. These areas were radiated several weeks ago. You can certainly read the report, and if you're medical, you'll probably understand it. But basically it says that the areas in my spine that were scanned....that in some of the areas the cancerous lesions completely went away. And in one area, they were diminished. So although there is one part of my spine that still has the cancer, the radiation did make the area smaller, and it certainly hasn't grown. And in another area it completely went away. A huge praise to God for that.

Actual Report
Indication Leptomeningeal metastasis from breast cancer

Report:
The small enhancing nodular lesions noted along the root of the cauda equine are no longer present. In addition, the small focus of nodular enhancement in the conus medullaris at the T12 level has slightly decreased in size and no longer enhances. No evidence of new leptomeningeal metastatic disease.

The lumbar vertebral bodies and interspaces are normal. No spinal or foraminal stenosis. Normal disk height and T2 signal. The facets are normal. The paraspinal loft tissues are normal. No evidence of skeletal metastasis.

Conclusions:
Small focus of T2 signal hyperintensity in the conus at the T12 level has diminished in size since 10/8/2008 and no longer enhances.
Resolution of the previously demonstrated enhancing nodules along the roots of cauda equina.
Findings are consistent with improvement of the patient’s known leptomeningeal metastatic disease.
The lumbar spine is otherwise normal.

Now certainly you understood all that...right? Apparently, the cancer can still regrow in those areas, but I'm going to trust in the Lord and just know that He has healed me in those areas and I'm not going to worry about them anymore.


Nahum 1:9
What do ye imagine against the Lord? He will make an utter end: affliction shall not rise up the second time.

Warmth

Good news. As far as the MRI's have been read, the radiation has worked on my brain. That means that there should not be cancer in my head right now! Hallelujah! Again, who knows if I'm remembering/reading things right....but overall it's good news. YEAH!

Now the cancer is still in my spine. The new plan is to stop the "direct chemo injection into my brain chemo" right now until we need to start it up again (which should be no big deal with the Ommaya drip already in place from last surgery). We'll continue with the pill form of the Xeloda, which is the "everyday twice a day chemo" and we'll start the spine radiation next Monday. I visit with good Dr Vic on Thursday to discuss the daily radiation plan. Good thing I really like my radiation therapsts. Except it is kind of embarassing seeing all of them when I'm not so lucid and appear quite confused half the time. That's not the way I used to be. I'm hoping that the change of treatment will ease up on my stupidity!

Painwise was better today as well. The night was bad, but with a few adjustments throughout the day, I think we finally might have it under control. I've had a lot of people/friends/strangers suggest different options for pain, but it's really something I have to work on directly with my doctors. Believe it or not, it's the pain that is helping tell whether the different chemos are working or not. It might not make sense, but if we start throwing something else into the mix now, we have too much more to sift through...which could be better, or it could be worse. So I think we're just going to work with the plan that we have right now, and pray on it until we hear/feel otherwise. I thank you everyone dearly for your concern and suggestions.

Just wanted to let you know that depending on my arm/shoulder pain / numbness, my posts mights be shorter....as true also with my individual messages. I can wiggle my fingers in my right hand, but I can't independently lift up my right arm. I'm right handed....so this really is humbling . We're hoping the new radiation will help with this. But if not.....and I'll get through it.

Thank you everyone for increased understanding and patience. I'm going to end here while all still feels good....and with a couple pics.

The first pic is from my "Finally Fiesta" a couple years ago. When I had finally earned my Masters Degree in English Curriculum and Instruction at the University of Minnesota. The next pic is just a reminder of WARMER DAYS as we begin to tackle this frozen weather. Okay, this was in the Bahamas...so maybe that's cheating....but I could use a little warm pick-me-up. Psalm 150
1 Praise the LORD.

Praise God in his sanctuary;

praise him in his mighty heavens.
2 Praise him for his acts of power;

praise him for his surpassing greatness.
3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,

praise him with the harp and lyre,
4 praise him with tambourine and dancing,

praise him with the strings and flute,
5 praise him with the clash of cymbals,

praise him with resounding cymbals.
6 Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.

Praise the LORD.

A new week

It snowed this weekend. Nothing that stuck...but it snowed. Need I say more. I should probably write some post about how fortunate I am to see the snow...but I hate cold.

Last week I had an MRI of the upper part of my spine because of some pain that I was having. The early results showed no new or further tumor growth. So the tumor at the top of my spine is still there, but it has not grown at all. My husband was really happy to hear that, so it must be good news. Praise God. Also, there was no new cancer activity detected wtih the PET scan either. So that is another praise God!

Except I'm experiencing a lot of other concerning symptoms that seemed to have popped up over the weekend, including tingling in my tongue and down into my chin. I don't know what it means, but whenever I bring up tingling to my doctors, they become very concerned. I've also been having a lot of muscle pain in my neck and arms. Again, I don't know what any of this means right now. But I'll probably be having another MRI today. I wish they could just MRI my entire body and figure everything out at once.

I'm also pretty emotional...a lot. But I'm hoping that's because I haven't been getting much rest, despite my extra Ativan and other meds.

But I think today will be better. Today will be good. Because we serve a good God, and he's working through all of this.

Oh, and I owe people SO MANY e-mail messages and cards and thank yous. I'm getting there.


Lord, even when I have trouble all around me, you will keep me alive. Psalm 138:7

Not good

Another reason why I'm declaring a moratorium on all 3 hour MRI's......well, because every damn time I have an MRI they find something!

I don't really get how cancer works....at all. I don't know how you do everything the doctors tell you to do, you take all the precautions to prevent a recurrence, and yet it doesn't matter. I don't know how one day all is fine, tests are all fine, and a couple weeks later, the cancer has spread right where you don't want it to.

Obviously my MRI results were not good.

The cancer has spread to my spine. I'm not sure what the course of action is right now, but it's happening quickly. They'll continue to radiate my brain, and they will do a first radiation of my spine tonight and another dose tomorrow. I have no idea how this will affect me now.

I do know that there's a whole lot more to be done now. Something about opening up my head again, inserting some chemo drip thing or some other chemo option. I don't really know right now. I can't even think about it. I just found out a few hours ago, and am just trying to process it right now.

Please continue to pray. We need prayer.

Not pleasant

I hereby call a moratorium on all 3-hour MRIs. If they want to do more than a couple tests, they're just going to have to spread them out over a couple days. The last hour was brutal.

Results tomorrow, I guess.

A little puzzling

(Photo by Kathleen Smith)

My little Max has some obsessive compulsive tendencies. It started when he was quite young. Every night, he HAD to have his covers a certain way. When he was a bit older, he insisted on watching us turn on the air conditioner, even in below zero whether. And now when it comes to his "papers" and "pictures" that he makes, I can't throw any out, or he will look and look and look for the one picture he drew 2 weeks ago at a restaurant, or he'll go to bed screaming about it.

I'm hoping this OCD tendency will manifest itself into greatness....that his stubbornness and persistence will pay off some day, in whatever positive way that would be.

Today Max took out a puzzle. A 150 piece puzzle. A Shrek puzzle featuring Max's favorite character...Fiona. That little child worked on that puzzle for at least an hour this afternoon, and then continued with it later this evening. It's still not done, but he in no way plans on giving up. He was not happy when I made him go up to bed before finishing it, but I told him he can continue with it in the morning.

Not only is he determined, but obviously quite patient as well, if you consider the difficulty of the puzzle for his age.

I can only hope that tomorrow I have half his patience. I have yet another unexpected 3 hour MRI tomorrow on my entire spine again. Apparently a little weakness in your foot is not something to take lightly, as 3 different doctors ordered this long MRI because of their concern. I'll just show up and lie there...and maybe take some Vicodin to help get me through it.

A little creepy looking

I started brain radiation last week. Despite the new findings of cancer in the spine, our original plan of action won't change. I will first have whole brain radiation for about 24 days. The new course of action involves some sort of chemotherapy to treat the spine. My oncologist is still deciding what kind of chemo. And discussion has taken place on whether I start chemo at the same time I am doing radiation. Currently the answer is no. If I did start chemo now, the dose would be lower to keep it safe in conjunction with the radiation. This may not be as effective. But if I don't start the chemo now, will the cancer spread? We haven't decided exactly what to do about this.

Above is a picture of some guy (not me) set up for radiation. Yes, I have to wear that weird plastic mesh face mask which is used to bolt me to the table. It reminds me of spiderman, and isn't the most comfortable thing, but radiation only lasts a few minutes, so it's no big deal.

The headaches and other pain still continue, which makes it hard to plan anything, because I'm not sure how I'm going to be feeling. Last week I missed a few informal gatherings with friends because of pain or sleeping. On Monday, I've had to cancel hanging out with one of my friends. And today I had to cancel an appointment. When I'm not at the doctor's, I'm doing a lot of sleeping. So when people ask to get together with me, I'm a little reluctant to do so. I'm supposed to go to Wisconsin Dells this weekend for a girls' weekend away...9 of us have been planning to hang out together in one large studio. I pray I get this pain under control because I REALLY want to go!

Tomorrow I have an MRI in the morning. It will last a couple hours. NOT looking forward to that. I think they're scanning my brain and some of my spine again. My doctor said that he doesn't expect to find anything. I told him NOT to say that, because every time a doctor has said that, they've found something. I hope to be able to squeeze a nap in before heading to my radiation appointment....ha ha...get it..."heading" to my head radiation. . And most importantly, I'd like to get to the salon or some place where they do waxing. All these steroids I've had to take are causing me to grow a beard. I feel like I'm seeing a Billygoat every time I look in the mirror!

Finally, a continued THANK YOU to everyone for your kind words. I've had so many e-mails, I'm having a hard time responding to them all. But please know that I'm so grateful for all the prayers, help and encouragement.

Two weeks since surgery

This week I met with Dr. Vic, my radiation oncologist. Can I just say that he is so smart! Actually, I just have to take a moment to be in complete awe of doctors...period. It's hard to even express how incredibly smart doctors are. Before my surgery I had some procedure where a doctor was looking at all my blood vessels, and maybe it was the Valium, but I just kept thinking WOW, these people are just so amazing. Meeting my husband as he began medical school gave me the opportunity to see just how much work, how much studying, how much passion goes into being a doctor. And of course all doctors aren't perfect, and everyone has had different experiences, but I will forever be in complete debt to doctors and have nothing but honor for them.

So much has happened this week, so this post might be rather long.

As I mentioned, my husband and I met with my radiation oncologist early this week. Besides being amazingly smart, Dr. Vic is also incredibly kind and explains things so well to me (but as usual, don't expect me to reiterate information with any kind of medical accuracy or flair!). He was so apologetic about the cancer being found in my brain. I was joking with him to lighten the mood, "Doctor Vic, this wasn't supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be all done with this stuff." (The Zoloft I'm taking actually is working quite well). There's no need to be all sad about it. Let's just figure out what to do about it. Apparently it's really good that I am so ignorant to all the medical stuff that's happening. It's my poor husband who for his own sanity could probably use a little less knowledge merely so he wouldn't worry so much.

The basic treatment they're going to do is whole brain radiation. Just like when I had radiation for breast cancer, I will go everyday for about 5 1/2 weeks, minus the weekends. The actual procedure doesn't last long...I think I get zapped for 10 to 15 minutes at the most, and it's completely painless. The side effects vary. I can certainly have brain damage...which I already have from the surgery, (still dealing with a lot of time and number issues) but the doctor doesn't anticipate anything major. When I get radiated, they put this hard plastic mesh mold snugly over my face and secure me to the table so that I can't move. It's quite creepy looking...and I'll have to post a picture at some point. I can get fatigued, which I experienced a little bit of when having radiation for breast cancer, but with brain radiation, I don't know how the fatigue will compare. I also will have some irritation of the head. And then here's the doozy...what I didn't want to hear, but what I knew was coming...I'm going to lose my hair. Oh well. I'm alive. So in search of some very sassy hats and scarves again. Because I'm just going to be vain with my new little motto 2cute4cancer!

As I posted yesterday, the MRI I had yesterday was a bit hellish. They wanted to look at my spine and my brain again. The doctors keep ordering these tests telling me that they don't intend on seeing anything. But don't ya know, a spot turns up on my spine. Now having a metastasis to the spine is really bad. It would involve more chemo and radiation I'm sure, and I'm not sure what the cure rate is for something like that. So my husband was really upset today about them finding something on the scan. But he was able to have a bunch of doctors read the scans and they are pretty confident that it is NOT cancer. They think that the spot they saw was a hemangioma. That's a blood tumor that is benign, and something I should not have to worry about. My doctor might order a bone scan, but probably not. They will continue to monitor the blood tumor, but for now, it is fine. Praise God for that.

Today I got to meet again the doctor who took out my tumor, Dr. Jerone Kennedy. So what in the world is the protocol for this? Send a Hallmark Card note, "Um, thanks for saving my life. Hope I can return the favor!" Seriously, how in the world can I express my gratitude? I am actually looking for ideas. Also, I still need to do/send something to the floor that took care of me while in the hospital as well. But I just don't want to send some thank you flowers or something...would like to send something more useful and meaningful if I can. I talked with Dr. Kennedy about some of the issues I've been having lately, mostly my very painful headaches. And basically, everything just needs to settle in and work itself out. I have a couple appointments with different doctors, including a neurologist, to deal with some of these issues. Glad I have some experts to refer to now.

Some people have asked me why I'm still having all these tests? Honestly, I am so ignorant to them. These past two weeks I have walked into offices and just basically have been at everyones mercy. I have so many different scans, I can't keep them all straight. I just go in, do what they tell me to do, and let my husband sort out all the details for me. I know it's bad. I really need to be on top of my own care. I really need to be more proactive about understanding things. But for right now, I can barely figure out what time I need to leave the house so that my son gets to his football game on time. Maybe I can have my husband be a guest medical blogger and explain the difference between and MRI and a PET scan and why some tests pick up cancer and others do not...maybe he'll do it for me.

I've also had some people ask me about how this will affect my reconstruction. My what? That's what I think to myself. My reconstruction is so far from my mind right now I can't even think about it. But I actually have to...at least the preventative mastectomy part of it. That still needs to be done, and I feel now more than ever. So I'll make the appointments for everything in February probably. Now whether or not I'll be able to follow through with all the procedures we'll just have to see.

Continued thank you for EVERYTHING!

Painful

I had an MRI yesterday of my head and spine. It was a 3 1/2 hour MRI. Which means I had to listen to jackhammer like noises reverbrating throughout my already aching head for 3 1/2 hours, while I had to lie completely still. They did give me 2 bathroom breaks, and I guess when it took them 4 times to inject some dy in me one could call that a break as well. It was not a fun day.