Cameron's 8th Birthday

Happy 8th Birthday Cameron!

Above is the book his Aunt Dana sent him. He was up at 3am, wanting to open his first gift. We sent him back to bed, needless to say.

Here is Cameron with his Pokemon cake.

He was very excited to get some new video games.

He's been very sweet, helping me out whenever I need something that I can't get when I'm in my wheelchair.

His birthday party is on Saturday, so expect to see more pics then.

Go Gophers!

I'm supposed to go to a Minnesota Gopher's Game tonight with Melvin, Cameron and a friend of his. This should be interesting!

Bits and pieces of info

I am feeling MUCH better today. I just decided that I'm going to have to stay on top of my pain medication. That every 4 to 5 hours I'm going to have to take a high dose of Vicodin. I don't want to do this, but even when I drop it a little, I start to have a lot of pain. So until my guests go away, I'm going to keep to this pain medication regiment. Or else I'll just be lying in tears all day, worthless.

Tomorrow, I start a 2nd chemo, called Xeloda. This is a pill I take by mouth. I have to read up on all the side effects and how often I take it, but I THINK it's a daily pill. Obviously I'll make sure I know tomorrow when it's delivered. Here's what's most ironic about this kind of chemo....I won't lose my hair! Except I've already lost my hair from radiation, AND I'll lose my hair from the other chemo...so it doesn't matter!

My Canadian friend Dana set me up with a link to http://www.4women.com/, which has some pricey...but worth it....scarves. They just plop so nicely on your head, are comfortable, and very cute. She used them when she was going through chemo, and I'm definitely going to get at least one more. I do believe that this was the kind Lynette used for her character in Desperate Housewives last year. If you know of someone else losing her hair, this would be a good gift for her.

My sister and 17 year old niece arrived today from New Jersey. It's so nice to be with them, but I hope my kids don't drive them bonkers! They're hoping to go see Madagascar 2 this weekend. Goodness, my kids are having so much fun, they're going to be quite mad when I get healed!

I also have some friends visiting from Utah. I was supposed to be out there visiting THEM much sooner than now, so I feel bad that they're making the trip out here. But it will be great seeing our kids playing together. My friends are so smart, I hope my newfound chemo/brain/radiation fogginess doesn't throw them off too much. A very small price to pay for my healing, but one that I do think about.

Next week I'll have more friends and family to see with the Benefit for the Angel Network.

And on a final note, I have to type that Cameron finished his first Harry Potter book. Now I have a lot of hesitation in writing this. Because I can tell you that he read the words on the page. Did he comprehend it....very little. But that's okay right now. He was SO EXCITED to read it, he was up late trying to sneak in reading by the aquarium light, and he read at every spare moment on the bus, in school, etc, that at this point I don't really care much that he didn't get most of it. He did understand some of it, and after tried to talk with him about it yesterday, (while I was lying flat in bed) he picked up more information to help him comprehend. He's now excited that he finished because I told him last year he had to read each book before I'd let him watch each movie. But I do think that he's extra excited because he finished the book, and he knew that's important to me! I am proud of him.

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Isaiah 41: 8-10, 14-16
But you, O Israel, my servant,
Jacob, whom I have chosen,
you descendents of Abraham my friend,
I took you from the ends of the earth,
From its farthest corners I called you.
I said, "You are my servant:"
I have chosen you and I have not rejected you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand...

...Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob,
O little Israel,
for I myself will help you," declares the Lord
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.
"See I will make you into a threshing sledge,
new and sharp, with many teeth.
You will thresh the mountains and crush them
and reduce the hills to chaff.
You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up,
and a gale will blow them away.
But you will rejoice in the Lord
and glory in the Holy One of Israel.

Hey, I voted!

Cameron came home from school today insisting that Barak Obama had won the election...and he even gave me the numbers. It took quite some time for me to finally convince him that it was a "mock" election his school did...not the actual election. I'm sure this morning I'm going to hear a big "See....I told you!" He likes to be right.

Today started out well. I voted. And I went for a slow, short walk. I checked a couple things off my "to do" list. But after dinner, much went downhill. The pain started...head throbbing and with neck pain when looking down, added to all my other usual pains. And they wouldn't seem to go away. I was mostly upset because I couldn't even go in my kids room to kiss them goodnight I was hurting so much. And the more upset I'd get about something, the more my head would throb.

I'm better now. The pain killers finally picked up some. Please pray for me that I can get through this night without so many problems....and that my husband doesn't have to worry so much about this dumb cancer and its effect on me. And give my mom the strength she needs both emotionally and physically to deal with all this as well.

Tonight...the Lord's Prayer.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done.
On Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses.
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation.
But deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory.
In Jesus name. AMEN.

No Wimpy Kid

I had Cameron's parent/teacher conference tonight. He's doing very well. No concerns from his teacher. And I heard the two "s" words I've heard the past 2 years. SMART and SPACEY. Does not surprise me at all. Except the "spacey" part is actually getting better I feel. He hasn't forgotten anything this year, yet. Not sure if that's Cameron maturing or the teacher being on top of him.

His school had the bookfair this week. Eventhough I already let him choose a few books, I allowed him to pick out a couple more today as a reward for such a great conference. He chose a diary/questionairre book in addition to a couple others. The book is a companion to 2 books he read last year in the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. Tonight, in addition to several question pages that he completed, totally independently, he also wrote 7 1/2 pages in the "diary." I didn't even ask him to. He just did it.

(I'm so grateful for the awesome writing teacher he had last year).

I just thought I'd take a moment to brag on my kid. I think he deserves the praise.

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I meet with my regular oncologist tomorrow. We'll be discussing some serious stuff, and be making decisions on what, if any, treatment will best work for us at this point. If we do decide upon the chemo that drips directly into my head...well, that will be starting in less than two weeks. It's all very serious now.

14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!" Psalm 91

Cameron's First Day of 2nd Grade

Today was a MUCH better day. It was as if all that pressure that had been building up in my brain finally let loose, and I could actually start to think again. I still experienced some headaches, but nothing like I had been the past few days. I wasn't feeling as dizzy or as anxious. (But I also managed to stay far way from Target!). Staying around the house and resting today really did the trick. Your prayers are working! THANK YOU!

Cameron had his first day of school today. Poor kid had to deal with my negligence! I hadn't gotten around to getting him a haircut yet, so he struggled with trying to make it look like something other than a birds' nest.

This is the nicest thing I could get him to wear today.

Max and Ella were excited to see him get on the bus. Here he is with his friend Patrick, his bus buddy and classmate again this year.


And finally, here he is getting on the bus with his big heavy backpack. Like I said, I was somewhat negligent this year in that I didn't send him to school with his supplies until the first day. So needless to say, he had a very full and very heavy backpack. But hey, at least he did have all of his supplies, gym shoes and all.

Here's to a wonderful year in 2nd grade Cameron! Love ya kid!!!!!!!!!!

Getting through another day

Well, I survived another day...excuse the pun!!!!!

Here's the problem right now. I wake up feeling fine and normal. Get me my cup of coffee and all is good. But then I have all these drugs I have to start taking, to keep swelling down, and to prevent more seizures, and those drugs are just messing with my head. I exist through my entire day in a daze...and I hate it! I go through the motions of doing everything, but I don't actually "feel" anything. Which is just a wierd state to be in. Kinda funny too. As I'm at Target with my kids, them eating lunch there, it completly doesn't bother me that they might be acting all loud and crazy.

I do feel bad that I seem to be avoiding people around the neighborhood. But right now, I just can't be social. I'm still feeling some anxiety, but it is disappating, so that's good. I do so continue to appreciate the dinners and treats everyone has been dropping by for me! So kind! I I jut need to get off these meds and get back to normal.

Now in my hazy state today, I brought Max in to meet his preschool teacher this year. They changed a bunch of stuff around on me already with teachers and the program I thought I was putting him in, so already I'm on edge about him starting the year. I'm giving it a month.

Cameron got to meet his teacher today and he found out some of the kids in his class. This will be the deciding year as to whether we keep him in public school or find something to push him further along.

Oh, and have I mentioned that I havent' washed my hair in a week! I can't until the staples come out....Friday! I'm sporting a pretty nasty, smelly due!!!!!!!!

Just a brief list

I want to document my experience better.

I want to write all about the wonderful people at church and at a local restaurant (Khoury's) who embraced me with their love and prayers today.

I want to tell everyone how grateful I am that my parents are here to support me.

I want to tell everyone how Cameron reacted, sad because he doesn't want me to have cancer again.

I want to thank all my friends and neighbors for just everything.

I want to write about my frustration about getting numbers all mixed up, and my inability to recognize my "normal" confusion with my tumor confusion.

I want to write all about how incredibly grateful I am to my husband for all the phone calls he's making and appointments he's setting up and just his patience with me.

But my head hurts...bad. Sometimes it's better than other times, but mostly it just feels like someone took a baseball bat and smashed me in the back of my head.....not that anyone has ever done that...but it's how I imagine it must feel.

I want to continue to be honest.

So I'll keep writing...but it might be limited.


Deuteronomy 31
31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Hiding my head

Being married to a doctor has a lot of advantages. I can get connected to the right medical people pretty quickly, I probably get more time than other patients at my appointments and I generally feel more comforable knowing that my husband is close by in case of any issues.

But it also has its disadvantages. Like when you attend the same clinic where your husband works, almost everyone knows you. Which can be good, or bad, or downright embarassing.

Because when your 7 year old is getting allergy testing done, and the nurse tells him that she's going to rub alcohol on his back...well, I'd really rather his emphatic response not to have been "Oh, you mean the stuff that my daddy drinks!"

No, this is not my daughter

I do believe my son is way overdue for a haircut, don'tcha think?

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer......

The other day, as I was unloading groceries and putting them away, Cameron was hanging out in the kitchen. I showed him that I bought him the hot dogs that he likes before tucking them away in the meat drawer in the fridge. But suddenly, he gasped, and asked me if he could see the package again.

When he read the covering of the hot dogs, he keeled over in a ridiculous fit of laughter.

"Wieners! That says wieners!"

The boy could not stop laughing. He was in complete hysterics. "That says wieners! They're calling their hot dogs wieners! Why would they do that!"

He has now been way too obsessed with this new found knowledge. First of all, like when he discovered the truth behind Santa, he feels it's his duty to educate everyone about this moniker.

Secondly, he finds it necessary to emphasize the word with extreme volume and high-pitched exaggeration every time he uses it.

And thirdly, he now must refer to the "wieners" any chance he gets.

Yesterday, my husband was grilling some of those Oscar Meyers that started all this.

Cameron's comment: "I'm glad that's not my wiener you're grilling!"

I wonder how long this fascination will last. Because now Max is getting in on all the fun. it's a bit embarrassing...especially when they start shouting about it in public.

"-EST" Father's Day Tribute

A poem that Cameron wrote for his daddy (who insisted we were leaving at 5AM to return back to Minnesota...but is still sleeping at a quarter to seven).

Daddy is the best.
He is great on the test.
He thinks we are a pest.
He is the sleepiest.
He likes to be the beepiest. (refering to his oncall pager)
He likes to be the funniest.
He is always the workiest.
He is the errandest.
He is the musclest.
He is the basketest. (referring to watching basketball).
He is the wine you drinkiest.
Adn the best part....
He is the familyest.

Back in Time

Tonight I took Cameron and 2 friends to see Walking with the Dinosaurs: The Live Experience. If they come to your area, you MUST go. It was an amazing experience. The dinosaurs were so lifelike..it was quite scary at times. (I'm glad that Max decided he didn't want to go, because it would have been way too much for him, and I would have spent the show out in the lobby).

All went well throughout the evening, until the end. I had instructed the 3 boys as they went into the bathroom that they stay together (This worked well at intermission). They go in together, they go out together. I stood by the door and waited....and waited....and waited. (Cameron had already pooped today, so I know he wasn't causing the delay. I didn't have a bm report on the other boys' though).

I started to pace around, and looking beyond a protruding wall, I discovered that there was a 2nd door to the bathroom! Slight panic set in. Where were those boys?

After glancing through the crowd for a couple minutes, I finally saw the boys about 20 yards away, standing next to a police officer.

They did come out the 2nd door and couldn't find me. Apparently, Cameron started yelling for me, and an adult took them to a police officer. According to Cameron, he asked them a few questions, like what I looked like. Cameron told him, "My mom has had boy hair, like my friend Ben!" They told me they were there for a little more than 5 minutes.

I'm very proud of them for handling the situation so well. I'd take these 3 boys anywhere!

Mastectomy Effects

I sometimes wonder how my kids will be affected in the long run by all this cancer stuff. Ella's so young, I doubt she'll remember anything. Max, oh, who knows..how much do you remember from when you were 3 years old? Now Cameron....now being 7...my encounter with breast cancer will certainly remain in his schema more than either of his siblings.

Yesterday, after getting a shower, he decided, for some insane reason, to put on my swimsuit (the one that contained my swim forms...better known as my fake swimming boobs).

"Look at me mom! I have big boobs!"

Oh my.

"Mom, why do girls have shirts with these puffy things in them?"

It was then that I realized that he thought that all girls' breasts were actually built into their clothes...not actually a part of their bodies.

Which led me to then think about his future.

He'll be making out with some girl and suddenly she'll hear him say, "Hey, how come your boobs don't come off?"

My little author

Cameron came home with a portfolio of work today. It was fun reading through his stories. Here is one from the middle of the year. I typed his actual spelling because I find it to be entertaining but put the correct word in parentheses, in case you're not used to reading phonetic spelling.

When my little Bother (brother) named Max said lets fight to me I said bring it on little man. So I bumed (bumped) him by a accidend (accident). My Brother said oow. I said you’re weeck (weak). Then I knocked his body into a wall he fell down. It looked like he fianted (fainted).

I was cracking up. I really don’t meen (mean) like a crack on the sidewalk. I ment (meant) like somebody laughed so hard he coodn’t (couldn’t) stop. That’s what I akchley (actually) ment (meant). And fainted meens (means) he falls down and lands in a waered (weird) pudishin (position). If you look on the pitcher (picture) you’ll know what it looks like. The first picture is colled (called) crash faint. The second picture is colled (called) hot faint. And those were the to (two) fainting pitchers (pictures). Then I ran exstreemly (extremely) fast. But my Brother dojed (dodged) my attack. And he ran exstreemly (extremely) hiper (hyper) fast in a circle. That’s how he stopped my attack from working. I tried to stop his attack. This is what I did. I tried to run a lot exsreemly (extremely) hiper (hyper) speed then (than) my Brother. But he did it faster than me. Then he throo (threw) a hamer (hammer) at me. It hit me on my fourhead (forehead). It hurt very bad. I fell on the ground. When my Brother throo (threw) the hamer (hammer) at me it made me have a bad headack (headache).

So I beat him up really good. I used my hand to punch him under the chin. Max tried to dodge it but he coldent (couldn’t) do it. The dodge he was trieing (trying) to do is called tornato (tornado) get away. I thought (thought) it was funny because he did tornato (tornado) get away and all because of that! He was spining (spinning) everywere (everywhere) in a circle. When he was flying he was sceeming (screeming). Then we got super powers. I got tornato (tornado) power. Max got spydder (spider) robot power. Then Max shot spiy (spy) robots at me. One made my fat foot explode. So I shot a tornato (tornado) at him. His robots got sucked in. And they exploited (exploded). There was one more left. It was the Dad. The dad was so mad because I defeted (defeated) his family. So he tried to use his heet (heat) vision on me. But I used a tornato (tornado) to stop it. It made the tornato be hot lava tornato. Then I had hot lava tornatos. So I shot one at the Daddy. Then he got on fire and xploded (exploded). Then I read with my mom. The end.

At first I thought the story was hilarious, then got a little concerned wondering when all this fighting was actually happening. When I read the part about Max hitting Cameron in the head with a hammer, I was relieved because I realized it was actually a fictional tale. It's quite obvious in the rest of the story. Maybe I should be concerned with all the violence...but I'm not.

Celebrating

Yesterday Cameron had his birthday party.

26 kids! He invited his whole class (all but 5 came), plus some neighborhood kids and a couple other friends.

Several of the parents looked at me like I was crazy, amazed that I had a party with so many kids. But 26 kids wasn't that difficult because:

a. It wasn't at my house. It was at one of those inflatable jumping places.

b. I had some help. The place provided a couple people to help keep an eye on the kids. Plus Sara was there to keep track of Max and Ella, and my husband came toward the end.

c. Since I've worked in Cameron's class a couple times a month throughout the school year, I know all the kids...and all their names.

d. I'm a teacher. I'm used to being around a lot of kids...granted I taught teenagers...but kids don't intimidate me. While some parents smile politely while they see kids under their guise misbehaving (which drives me crazy!), I don't hesitate to use my authority as an adult to let them know if they're doing something wrong. I have that teacher "look" and that teacher "voice" and that teacher discipline to separate kids who are feeding off each other. Don't get me wrong, I think Cameron's teacher is a saint, because I would not want to teach 6 and 7 year olds every day. But for a couple hours, it was fine.

Overall, things went very well. Only a couple small altercations and injuries. I only had to separate 2 boys.

The kids seemed to have a blast, and most importantly, Cameron thoroughly enjoyed himself.

Max's birthday isn't until July, but considering his constant concern about when his own birthday was going to happen this past month, I think I'll be hearing about it quite often.

It's his birthday

Dear Cameron,

Seven years ago today I held this little baby in my arms...not sure what to think or feel. I remember the nurse handing you to me, with your boisterous screaming, and I thought to myself, "Okay. Now what am I supposed to do?" You were a very active baby. We have video of the nurses trying to weigh you, and you actually turned over!

Now that you're seven, you're still as vocal as ever, especially when you have some idea in your mind. You are very persistent. And active? Always. You're becoming quite the sports fanatic, watching every NBA playoff game this year, and catching the final scores on Sports Center in the mornings. Yesterday when watching a kid's fitness video, you shreiked with excitement when you got to do push-ups. And your running endurance is most impressive for a first grader.

You continue to do very well in school, and it's great to see you reading chapter books all the time. And lately you've been really interested in reading Bible stories. You're also quite the writer, continually penning journals and stories in school that are pages long. You also are a wonderful teacher to your brother and sister.

Lately, you've been very helpful around the house...emptying the dishwasher, cleaning up toys that aren't yours, hanging out with Max and Ella.

Other interests...2 main ones...video games and Pokemon! I especially like watching you play Guitar Hero. And your Pokemon card collection is growing out of control!

I must say, I like this age of seven. It suits you well. And I look forward to seeing you grow and mature in the years to come.

I could go on, but since your usual rising hour is 6AM, I better get myself some sleep.

I love you!

Love, Mom

At least one of us can run.

Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was training to run the Marine Corps Marathon with my friend Lanette and my sister. This was to be my 5th marathon. For obvious reasons...surgery, chemo...I couldn't run the race which was scheduled in the fall.

I've run on and off during my treatments. Nothing at all consistent. Nothing at all to brag about. Only here and there...everyone once in a long while.

I couldn't wait to be done with radiation so I could get back on the road. With this spring weather, there's nothing I'd rather do than get out there and hit the pavement. After radiation, when it was still too cold to run outside, I took to the treadmill a few times. I'd run a mile, walk a 1/4 mile, run a mile and a half, walk 1/4 mile, etc. I think I made it up to 4 miles, with a little walking in between.

But then this shortness of breath issue suddenly came on. Because even walking up the stairs had me practically gasping for oxygen, I was afraid to even attempt to run. My radiation oncologist's solution so far has been to pump me with more steroids, but it's not doing anything for my breathing.

I met a fellow cancer survivor today to walk around a local lake. During the walk, I felt completely fine. But this didn't surprise me, as to be honest, when you're used to running, walking is a "break." I walked the 2 mile loop, drank some water, and decided that I felt so good, I'd attempt a little running.

Bad idea.

I hadn't run for more than 20 meters when I found myself struggling to breathe. I hit a very short hill, and that was the end of me. I just couldn't run.

I don't want to call my doctor again, because I don't want to just be told to take more steroids. Something is not right. Me being able to run, then suddenly NOT be able to run, means something wrong is going on inside of me. And I'm really frustrated. Because I need to run.

On a different, and much more positive note, Cameron ran the mile in gym last week. Now I don't know how accurate the distance was, but he clocked a 7:59. He was first for the entire 1st grade, and even beat most of the 5th graders in the one class that ran with them.

I do hope we can go running together soon.

The lone nerd

Cameron signed up for Chess Club recently. It was through Community Ed, with what I thought was a rather hefty fee attached to it, and lasted for 8 Thursdays, right after school. He loved it!

When it came time for signs up for the next session, I hesitated. Not only did the $89 fee leave me a little unsettled, but track was going to be starting soon, which also took place on Thursdays, causing a very harried evening trying to juggle activities and dinner.

But Cameron REALLY wanted to do it. He kept asking me if I had registered him yet. He was very excited to continue. I figured that Chess was a good thing, so despite my initial hesitation, I decided to go ahead and let him continue with it.

It was to start yesterday. But shortly after Cameron left for school, I got a phone call from Community Ed stating that Cameron was the ONLY one in all of our county to sign up for chess club, so they had to cancel it.

Needless to say, my little chess geek was very disappointed.

Close enough

Today I had the opportunity to chaperone a trip to the Science Museum. The first graders were to see a movie at the Imax and then visit the different galleries. Cameron told me that the movie we were to see was about Apes.

At breakfast, we were discussing what we knew about apes (basically that they have no tails). And on the bus I was asking all the kids if they were excited to see the movie about the apes. "I'm sure the movie about apes will be really cool." Most of the kids were excited about seeing the furry creatures.

As the movie began, however, the huge dome screen was filled with nothing but snow and mountains. Now I may not know too much about apes, but I was pretty sure that they lived in the jungle, not in frozen climates.

It was then that I realized that we were about to see a movie not about apes, but about the ALPS!

The only primates in the film were the crazy ones scaling those dangerous cliffs, but the kids and I enjoyed the movie nonetheless.