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When I have chemo put in my spine for my lumbar puncture, the doctor also pulls out some spinal fluid to check for cancer cells. The pathologist said that the cells were atypical. Usually, this is a bad sign...meaning cancer cells. Except this time, she said that the cells seemed to have been degenerated. So it's like the cells were dying off. That is a very good thing. God is healing me. He is.

When I have my spinal done, I must say, the people throughout the entire experience are so incredibly kind...to everyone. From the doctor doing the procedure, to the tech helping, to the recovery room nurses. They really all are amazing. There is one older nurse named Tim who is so amazing with all the patients...just making them feel good...even when they end up urinating on themselves! He's just a very, very kind man! Although I wish I didn't have to see him every 2 weeks, I certainly don't mind.




I still need rest.

Matthew 11:29, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (NIV).

Exodus 3 3:14 "The Lord replied, ‘My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'" (NIV)

10 more treatments

The side effects of radiation have hit me hard this week.

Up to this point, I hadn't felt any more fatigued than normal. As long as I had a short afternoon nap, or a nice latte, I was fine. If I was really tired, it was usually because Ella was keeping me up at night. But these past couple days I've felt really exhausted. Today I even had a 2 hour nap, and yet still, all evening I was functioning in quite the daze. Thank the Lord the kids have been pretty good about entertaining themselves.

My skin is still really bad. It hurts to have anything touching it. But I can't exactly go around topless! I saw the doctor today, and he said that because of the damage, they won't be using the bollus at all anymore. I have to change the dressings twice a day, and will be sporting the makeshift net tank top for the next couple weeks through radiation (my last one is April 1st), and a couple weeks afterwards. I did actually ask for black or hot pink....but they only have white.

Right now I just want some sleep...some wonderful, non-interrupted, non-drug induced, non-hotflash-filled slumber.

Is it Monday yet?

My husband has been away on a much-deserved fishing trip, so I've been flying solo this weekend.

I'm lucky that I have some great friends and neighbors helping me out by coming over to keep me company, having some of my kids go to their house, etc.

Despite everyone's help, I didn't get any naps in. And my kids' 6 AM wake-up calls were really taking their toll. Tonight I was just exhausted.

So tired that I actually gave the kids cereal for dinner. Yes, just plain old cereal.

I've NEVER done that before, and certainly don't want to get into the habit of it. But I was just beat and had no energy or desire to cook anything.

So at least they ate something. And they were actually very happy about it!

Wake Up Call

When I put Cameron to bed last night, I pleaded with him, "Please sleep in tomorrow, okay? Please just sleep in for once." (Meaning, don't wake me up at his usual hour of 6:00 AM).

And to my complete and utter surprise, the boy slept in. As did his brother. They didn't wake up until close to 8:30.

It was their sister, however, who decided that 5:30 was a good time to start her (our) day.

Danger...very tired mother...apparently

When I was awakened this morning at 4:30 AM by a little 3 year old who refused to eat his dinner last night, and now was crying out for food, I really had little choice but to feed him. Especially since Ella was lying right beside me in bed from when she woke up at 2 AM, and I certainly didn’t want her to awake as well. I already had a headache from the previous day, and his whining and screaming was not making it any better. I figured I could get Max some breakfast, and then put him back to sleep. But he had other plans.

After spending almost 20 minutes trying to figure out what he would eat, since I refused to give him the oatmeal crème pie he insisted (unsuccessfully) on having at bedtime last night. Finally he decided on some cereal without milk. As he ate, I tried to snooze on the couch. But then he wanted a drink. And then he wanted to watch TV. And then he didn’t like the show that was on. And then he wanted some vitamins. So my slumber was interrupted over and over and over again. Until it was about 6:30, and then Cameron was awake. And soon after that was Ella, who crawled out of my bed and eventually made her way downstairs.

At some point this morning Melvin got up, showered, and headed out the door. However, after I had no choice but to pull my butt off the couch and get my other kids some grub, Melvin came back home. Again…surprising me. When I asked what he was doing back home, he said that I looked so pathetic this morning, and since I wasn’t feeling well the night before, that he figured I needed his help…so he cancelled some training session playing with dead bodies that day.

Now one would think I’d be happy about this. But despite how I was feeling last night, and earlier that morning, I really was okay. And I didn’t want him to think I was pathetic and couldn’t handle things. It felt like an insult. So as I’m sorta arguing with him to go to his cadaver session, he finally coaxed me up the stairs and as I’m telling him I’m fine and can take care of things on my own, we both saw that at the top of the steps there was a steak knife just sitting there on the ground.

What could I say? Obviously, I was as pathetic as I looked, and that morning, obviously I did need the help…or who knows what else would have happened! I just succumbed to reality…and went back to bed….until 10 AM.

Sleeping Beauties

My day began at 4 AM, as Max apparently thought that was a great time to watch TV….and then he proceeded to scream for Macaroni and Cheese at least 100 times (which I refused to give him).

My day ended soaking wet, as Cameron and I were caught out in a downpour during his track meet.

But in between, I was able to take Max and Ella for a bike ride, which put them right to sleep.

In between, it was mostly all good.

Selective Slumber

My husband will lie for hours in bed, flipping through the channels, watching movies, eating cereal, claiming that he’s not tired and just can’t sleep.

And yet, in the middle of the day, while the kids are causing commotion all around him, he has no trouble sneaking in a snooze. Not even stirring when Cameron decides it would be really funny to stack every cushion, pillow, blanket, toy, etc. on top of him.

He slept like this for 2 hours.