Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Details can be too much

The brain mapping was done this morning. It's sorta scary to think about the fact that they can map out my brain by simply having me tap my fingers over and over again, point out when I recognize a word and just stare at a red dot while black and white squares move up and down a screen. That's what they did for about an hour today. That's how they'll know where to cut and not cut when removing the tumor. Scary.

In the afternoon I had cranial teaching and prep. Basically they took a few vials of blood and had me answer a bunch of medical questions that I've answered a million times already. Then this wonderful nurse went over everything they were going to do from presurgery to post-op. They're actually going to drill holes in my head, lift up part of my skull, and get at the tumor. I can't even grasp my mind around this. The nurse kept asking if I had any questions, but in actuality, I just don't. The only thing I can think of is...do what you gotta do. Get it out. I'll be here. Just do whatever. I feel quite distanced from the whole ordeal right now. It's the only way I can deal with it. It's just not something I want to think about really.

The actual surgery could last six hours. My brain could be exposed for six hours! See why I can't even think about this! Whenever I try to even begin to write about it, I go blank, and I don't want to write about anything else anymore.

I think I'll use the Olympics to distract me right now.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thine own under standing. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

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At 10:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My family is praying - may peace be with you.

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)

Jen Ryden

At 10:48 PM, Blogger mommyof3 said...

Cari- You are in my prayers, top on the list, I have asked some other friends of mine to pray for your you and your family....The Lord will take great care of you as you are his daughter and the love he has for you is more that any of us can comprehend.....LORD poor your blood over Cari and her family for the protection they need and the HEALING Cari needs, Lord I ask you to please wrap your arms around Cari during this time especially Friday as she gets ready for surgery and during the entire procedure so she can feel your comfort and feel safe.
We love you LORD!!!


At 11:34 PM, Blogger Caro said...

I like your philosophy. Tell them to just fix it.

The Olympics work too. :-)

At 7:46 AM, Blogger JJ said...

After my cancer diagnosis I had to distance myself when I talked to surgeons about different procedures. I forced myself to look at it like it was happening to someone else. It really is so fascinating...if it's not my body we're talking about.

I've been thinking of you every day and saying prayers for you every night. Thank you for keeping us updated. You are a strong woman!

At 1:02 PM, Blogger mi said...

My husband's brother had brain cancer. We were very concerned when he first went in for surgery to remove the tumor. HOwever, we were utterly amazed at his speedy recovery. That night he was talking with his family from his hospital bed. By the time he came home from the hospital, you would never guess he was recovering from MAJOR brain surgery, but maybe something a little less intensive. I wish you the same recovery from this surgery you are facing.

I can't imagine the emotions you are experiencing right now. Again, as when you faced your breast cancer, I admire your strength, faith, and never wavering ability to be there for/with your family. You are clearly such a wonderful lady and everyone who knows you is so lucky.

G-d bless you as you face this latest challenge. I look forward to reading about your recovery, then remission.


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