Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Sometimes it's hard to be happy

This message won't be long because I've just been down in the dumps lately. I think it's because this week, I've been having pain again...in my head, in my shoulders, down my spine. All the areas that were so concerning before. And when I have these aches, I'm just so crabby, because the Tylenol doesn't do much to relieve my pain. And I think I start to become fearful that the cancer is growing.

I've also been really tired. I walk up the stairs, and I want to just lie down and take a nap. I thought being off the chemo this week was going to make it easier, but it hasn't.

Also, I think I've been down because my fear is that the doctor is going to do some tests and tell me that I need radiation again. Such treatment was daily and I had to plan my whole day around it. I just don't want to do it anymore.

Tomorrow, my husband and I meet with my oncologist. I pray that all is well and I'm just being ridiculous about it all. I so want to be healed....so badly.

Sorry I'm not so chipper today.

Lord, please help me to see the good around me and not dwell on the pain or or what might be happening inside my body. I am surrounded by helpful people that the Lord had brought into my life and for that I am so thankful. Allow me to accept Your healing power and have confidence in Your work. Confidence that you will rebuke this cancer and bring nothing but joy into this household. In Jesus name, Amen.

"Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." (Mark 11:24)

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

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At 12:43 AM, Blogger mi said...

Might the break from the chemo cause some side effects like fatigue? I'm sorry this isn't the best 1st day of the year for you. All your fears are so justified. Just remember all the wonderful progress you have made, and try to bask in the love and support of those around you while you face these latest challenges. I certainly hope that 2009 brings you much HEALTH and happiness.

At 6:13 AM, Blogger jkhenson said...

You're in my prayers, Cari, that the appt goes well today, and all is going good for you.

At 6:48 AM, Blogger simplifying the smocks said...

I'm praying for you this morning...for continued healing, that your appointment goes well, and that the peace of Jesus is with you.

At 7:51 AM, Blogger KC said...

i also want you to be healed so badly. still thinking of you every day.

At 9:12 AM, Blogger Lisa and Jason said...

You are right that sometimes it's hard to be happy -- in fact it is impossible to be happy all of the time! You are an amazing woman and do an amazing job of bringing to light the positive things in life and in your situation. As always we are thinking about you and praying for you and Melvin and the kids, for strength, for peace, for wisdom.

At 9:21 AM, Blogger IrishMommy said...

Prayers to you for relief, good news and complete healing! I want to give you a big hug!

At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's okay to have a "down" day now and then. The side effects of radiation and chemo don't stop when you stop the treatments. They can continue for some time after. We will lift you up in prayer for relief from your fatigue, pain, and emotional distress. Keep looking up -- that's where God sends the rainbows (maybe even after snow showers!!) May your 2009 be better!
Thinking of you,
Donna Termont (Sarah's MOM)

At 12:00 PM, Blogger Jaye said...

Keep believing - God wants you healed as much as you want to be healed. (III John 2: "Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health even as thy soul prospereth") Sometimes the process just takes longer than we want it to.

I love that verse in Hebrews! Praying for and with you daily!

At 5:20 PM, Blogger Shannon said...

Oh Cari, totally normal feelings. Sounds like you have good perspective though. I am continuing to pray for you and complete healing. I hope you had an encouraging meeting today.

At 6:33 PM, Blogger LH said...

No need to apologize, you wonderful human. Rest and take good care.


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