The kids continue to react to my cancer in different ways.
Ella of course has no clue what is going on. She pulls and prods and pushes and throws tantrums in my arms, without any knowledge of the physical pain she is inflicting on me. The other day she was mad about something (can’t remember what now), and that little lady walked straight across the room on a mission…to hit me! That landed her in the “naughty corner,” which she promptly escaped from, knowing that I can’t physically keep her there. When she is hurting me, I do try to remind her of my oweee, and if it’s a rare occasion when she’s not in her almost-2-year-old-I-want-everything-my-way-state, she’ll even point to me and say, “Owee!”
Cameron doesn’t really say much. But a couple people have given me kid’s books about cancer. And without me even trying to force reading time on him, he voluntarily picked up the book and asked if I’d read it to him. So I can tell that he’s interested, but just doesn’t really know what to ask.
My little Max seems to appear the most affected. I wrote about how he was spooked at the hospital, and even when I came home. He’s ALWAYS including me in his prayers…at dinner time when he prays, he says something in a very jumbled way about making my cancer go away and making me feel better. He often asks about my oweee, and asks if it’s feeling better. He’s also very clingy lately, and often wants me to hold him or has to be near me. Today, when I was hanging out with him and Ella on the swing set, he remarked out of the blue, “Mommy, you’re going to be a boy, when your hair falls out.” That made me laugh. And I tried to explain that I’ll still be a girl, and the same person, but he insisted that No, I’ll be a boy.
It’ll be interesting to see how they all react when I’m actually bald.