Pre-chemo thoughts

I think more than being worried about all the crazy side effects, just the fact of having all this lethal substance in me, plus all the nausea medication, and some extra injection I get the next day, really creeps me out. It’s a wonder ones body doesn’t just collapse in confusion.

I’m actually a nervous nilly right now, pacing around the house, knowing I should be better prepared with what I should bring and expect, but not really wanting to deal with it all.

Deperate Housewives last night dealt with Lynette’s chemo. She wanted all her friends to come with her. Me, I’d rather just be alone. My mom is coming with me because she feels she needs to, but I have a stack of books, a stack of thank you cards, photos to edit on my computer, and some serious sleeping that I could do to keep me preoccupied. Plus, I might have some old men hitting on me if I go solo (ha ha!!!). I told her she could come as long as she didn’t expect me to sit and converse with her for the full 2 ½ hours! (Of course I’m sure I’ll be thankful that she’s there with me, when the time comes!).

But the reality is: Less than 2 hours from now I will be hooked up to a machine where they will be injecting poison into me.

I commented to my friend Angela, “Isn’t that what they do to you on Death Row?” Her response was, “That’s right. Death to cancer!”