UnDomestic

Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

A picture...sorta


I’m not sure why this hair thing is bothering me so much. Yesterday it took all my might not to just break down and cry all night. Part of it was just plain fatigue from the chemo. And I think that chemo does stuff to you emotionally as well. But with the hair gone, it’s like all of this is more real…..as if a huge scar across my chest wouldn’t be enough, right?

It’s like now when I look in the mirror, I see all those sick people surrounding me at the chemo place. I just look old and sick…and I feel that way, too. Plus, my smooth head seems to be emphasizing the “fine lines” on my face. Now what’s up with that?????

I’ll be okay. Just need some time to get used to it I guess. I certainly realize that it is temporary. And it’s not the end of the world.

Last night I went to a little Halloween party my neighborhood was having. I wore the pink wig Max chose. One of Cameron’s friends told me he liked my hair and asked if I colored it that way. I explained to him that it’s a wig and that I don’t have hair under it. He was all smiles, “Really?” He could hardly control his excitement.

Later that night the little boy’s mom called me and told me that her son said he wants her to have cancer because he wants her to have pink hair like me!

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9 Comments:

At 11:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cari:

I don't care what you say or think, or what anyone else says or thinks you are one awesome youngwoman! Strong and beautiful! Thanx for the pic, I hope it wasn't too painful!

Love you much,
Auntie Nita

 
At 1:49 PM, Anonymous Montana said...

It sucks to loose your hair. I cry when my stylist cuts bangs! It also sucks to feel sick. This all sucks, and I am sorry you have to go through it.

 
At 1:50 PM, Anonymous Montana said...

Loose, lose, whatever. You get the point...

 
At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cari~

This entire process is surreal I am sure. This is just another component that you have to go through to get to the victory.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:4-6

This time is your valley but you are walking THROUGH it with courage, dignity, and grace. You are a survivor. Always remember that!

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger IrishMommy said...

Cari,
After all this time I never knew you were a brunette!

I'm sure this stage of your treatment must be the most difficult. It's ok to grieve the loss of your hair. It will grow back and maybe you will be have naturally brunette curly hair?

You are in my prayers and the Lord has big plans for your future...

 
At 11:31 PM, Blogger Fantastic Four said...

Cari- I know it must be hard to come to this part of your treatment and face the fact that the hair is gone- it is okay to feel the way you are feeling! I hope Kennedy's comment was not too hard on you! I thought it would bring you a little smile since you looked so sad. I think posting this picture will help you in your grieving- it's always hard taking that first step. Please know that we are all here for you and praying for you!

Thanks for having the boys over on Friday night- I hope they were good for you! I know that they really enjoyed being there.

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger LH said...

Thinking of you kiddo.
Lee

 
At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Jaye said...

John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me"

Praying for and with you daily. God loves you and so do we!! Love & hugs.

 
At 4:29 PM, Blogger mi said...

Cari,
You are such a brave woman to go through this with such grace, giving others the opporunity to see that example. So many people would simply try to disappear, yet you are strong enough to share your ups and downs, and even head on out with that wonderful pink wig. This much be so awfully hard. Life will get better. It really will. Through all this terrible treatment, you still have your wonderful family, and they are lucky, so lucky to still have you.

 

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