The truth is...
I’m afraid my blog might be unintentionally misleading. Everyone keeps commenting on my strength and good spirits. Well, ask any adult who lives with me, my spirits have not been very high lately.
It started with this cold that I caught about 2 weeks ago. Then I had chemo, so the fatigue, nausea and cold continued. This week the nausea subsided some, but the fatigue and cold are lingering, and actually the cold is getting stronger, with this very annoying and somewhat painful cough. Then the thought of chemo starting again is just bringing me down.
Honestly, if it wasn’t for my kids literally pushing me out of bed each morning, I could see myself spending the entire day under my down comforter, being the opposite of strong.
I don’t dwell on it in my blog because what am I supposed to do, write how crappy I feel everyday? (And I have some relatives who would be sick with worry and concern).
So I try to go along with the daily routine..with a ton of help from my mom and Sara. And I am trying to spend time with my kids and doing fun things with them, but it takes all my energy to do so. And when I have the opportunity to hang out with friends or with my husband, then my spirits are usually up.
I just don’t want to be put up on some pedestal, but I don’t want to be pitied either. It is what it is. And we’re all just getting through this. Really, I'm just fine.
Just wanted to be honest.
posted by Undomestic @ 10:08 PM
7 Comments:
Okay, so everyone has weak moments. You are dealing with a lot. Thank God for the help that you have. I think that everyone just wants to encourage you to help keep your spirits up on those days when you feel crappy.
If you think about all the positive energy coming your way from all your readers--you will continue to be strong. And that inner strength will continue to kick it when you need it most.
You are strong- you are going through alot and need to pat yourself on the back! You have every right to feel the way you do! Sometimes writing how you feel, even if it is a bad day, helps you through! I know it does for me. As far as the cold...It really does not help that you have three little germ breeders in your house! We all have "bad" days, lord knows I have had my fair share of feeling "down" this past week! You are a great person! I hope you feel better soon...
I see the boys are on the same basketball team (Joey, Patrick, Lincoln and Ben). Yeah-
Cari....You have to rest..and you are entitled to it. You do what you have to do to keep yourself healthy. Thanks for calling me last night, but you didn't have to with the way that you are feeling.
Love, Dana
Cari,
I don't think this weather is helping any of us and are moods either! Please know that you have so much to deal with emotionally right now and it's OK to feel down... you are human too! Thanks for being honest and the things that you struggle with will only make you stronger.
Ahh Girl we know it is not easy on you, and we know that you will be tired and down, but it is that fighting spirit that we admire so! That will to get through this no matter what and that desire to still spend time with your children even if you have to drag your tired body along. We love you!
saying all that shows you are strong- ha! you can't escape it!
-gwen
Cari,
You don't have to be strong. You just have to be yourself. Sometimes, that will mean that things are funny and you are dealing with them in a very positive way. Sometimes, that will mean staying in your bathrobe and throwing a pity party for yourself. I just don't see either of those reactions as weak. This is hard. Hopefully, all the comments about being so strong and positive, don't translate to pressure to be someone you aren't. Deal with this as you must. Your reaction can't be labeled- it just is. Just be true to you. That is what we all admire. Just you. :)
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