My doctor has all these really great analogies for cancer and dealing with it.
At the hospital, Dr. Sanan said that the cancer is like a puppy that pees all over the house. The dog has to pee, so you give it its area to let it do what it needs to do, and then the rest of the house should be fine. Just like cancer, you have to give it its proper time and place, but you can’t let it take over your whole life. And he said that people will try to tell you to rest and that you shouldn’t be out and about, but that I just have to do what I normally do as long as I feel fine with it.
So today, I gave my cancer its time…in the morning.,,when I was finally able to take a shower for the first time since last Friday (talk about some greasy hair). So I had no choice but to face this ugly cancer…or should I say the after effects of it, by finally taking off the bandages and looking at the ugly scar. And that’s just what it is….ugly. Or I could say gross. Or I could say absolutely disgusting. It actually indents in, is all crooked, and goes up higher than I thought it would. But oh well. Nothing I can do about it. A small price I have to pay for my life…I guess. And in a year, it will all be put back together when Dr. Harrington makes me “pretty” again…at least that’s what she told me. And this porta-cath sticks out a bit like a bone on my right side, just below my neck. It’s gross as well. But again, oh well.
After I gave my “puppy” its “pee spot” I got on with my life. Which today meant shopping! It went from 90 degrees to 60 degrees in a two day period. Ella needed jeans, so Sara drove and we went shopping with the kids. Then I came home, had lunch, took a Vicodan for my discomfort…but mostly to help me sleep…and proceeded to take a 3 hour nap. By the time I woke up, it was time for Cameron to come home from school, dinner, soccer practice, then baths and bed. Not bad for a first full day away from the hospital.
Shopping and sleeping….I think I can handle this.