I think the reality of what I’m going through is beginning to sink in more and more. And it all scares me now. This whole weekend I found myself constantly thinking things like, This is the last Saturday I’ll be “normal” with my family. This is the last time I’ll be in church as my “normal” self. This is the last time I’ll be having friends over to watch a movie when I’m “normal.” This is the last time I'll be having our usual Sunday brunch as a "normal" person. etc. I suddenly want to do a bunch of stuff…go shopping, get pictures taken, get my hair done, get a pedicure…all as my “normal” self. Not that I won’t be able to do all of this once the surgery is over and I’m healed. But I fear it will just be different…that I will just be different. And that is what scares me the most.
Labels: cancer, Cari, fear