Countdown to the 7th
I think the reality of what I’m going through is beginning to sink in more and more. And it all scares me now. This whole weekend I found myself constantly thinking things like, This is the last Saturday I’ll be “normal” with my family. This is the last time I’ll be in church as my “normal” self. This is the last time I’ll be having friends over to watch a movie when I’m “normal.” This is the last time I'll be having our usual Sunday brunch as a "normal" person. etc. I suddenly want to do a bunch of stuff…go shopping, get pictures taken, get my hair done, get a pedicure…all as my “normal” self. Not that I won’t be able to do all of this once the surgery is over and I’m healed. But I fear it will just be different…that I will just be different. And that is what scares me the most.
posted by Undomestic @ 9:27 PM
6 Comments:
I think you are normal to be thinking this way.
Not that this helps, but you are keeping me grounded. We have a lot going on this week, by our lives' standards - but, it is really nothing in the whole scheme of things.
Thinking of you.
i can imagine it would feel that way. in some ways, i'm sure you're right - you may start measuring life before cancer/after cancer.
there's no telling what you'll learn and how your life might change in positive ways.
i'm thinking of you every day.
Cari, this is your current normal- your church, brunch and pedicure normals; and after the surgery, you will need to find a new normal because you are facing a turn in the road with no other options. It's as simple as that. It's like going from one child to two, or like moving. You do it, you adjust and then life is fine and we all know that it will be. Just keep thinking....a new normal. It will include church, brunch, movies and pedicures too. Just without one of your breasts.
(i totally got a huge laugh out of your statement about not missing your breast. I can RELATE!)
I have been in complete awe of your attitude and humor in your cancer discovery and applaud your need to do it your own way. I can't stand it when people try to tell me how to feel! This is your body and your life, your God is with you so what do they need to butt in for?? Well meaning, yes I suppose and understand, but honestly!
I underwent major surgery last year (well, and again this past Spring) and it's scary, but God saw me through and you already know He is cradling you in His hands right now. Cry if you need to, it really does help and let others care for you when they ask. That helps too.
And for heavens sake....make sure they KNOW which breast to take!!!
God bless.....
We love you!
You will not be the same. You will have this incredible, awful life experience that you are already using to educate others. You will have learned more than you ever wanted to know about this cancer and treatment and shown your kids an enormous inner strength, a lot of vulnerability, and the will to surive gracefully. You will be different. To have this situation and not change...well, that simply wouldn't be normal.
HUGS!
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