Toying around

Today I went to visit the plastic surgeon to discuss my reconstruction. I felt rather uncomfortable walking into a plastic surgery suite. I wanted to shout to everyone, “I have breast cancer…that’s why I’m here …not because I want to look like some Playboy model.” (Which was really ridiculous because my reason for being there doesn’t make me any better of a person, especially since I can’t tell you how many times I’ve longed for bigger boobs).

Everyone there was very nice. The nurse talked to me for a long time and basically explained that they would take muscle flaps from my back, flip them under my arm and use that muscle for form a new breast and insert an implant. She said sometimes they take tissue from the stomach to do the same thing, but that I’m too small for that. I had to laugh and said, “Are you sure? Because I beg to differ on my ‘small’ stomach.”

She also took out two different implants for me to feel, one was silicone and one was saline. It was quite strange holding them, as they felt rather heavy. I’m not used to any weight on my chest. I quickly put them down because they kinda gave me the creeps. But then as soon as the nurse left the room, I just had to pick them up again.. The saline one was like those water wiggles the novelty stores used to sell. The ones where you pick them up, and they slip right out of your hand, but you can’t help but continually pick them up over and over again. Seriously, I couldn't stop palying with the thing. Made me wonder, “Is this why guys like breasts so much?”

The funniest part of this visit, however, was not how the implants felt, but the initial meeting of my doctor. If she didn’t introduce herself as the doctor, I would have NEVER believed it was her. The lady had a ponytail on the very top of her head…almost up to her forehead, with a big black scrunchie in it. It was like I had traveled back to the late 80s/ early 90s. At first it was really hard for me not to laugh. Seriously, this is how I wear my hair at night when I’m trying to get it out of my face, but NEVER out in public that way. In all honesty though, it actually suited this very petite, spunky lady quite well. I really liked her, and she came highly recommended. She told me all about how her mother, who was also an 8th grade English teacher, had breast cancer, and although she expressed her sadness, she was very upbeat and encouraging…telling me not to worry. Assuring me that she’d make me pretty! And she said she’d be thinking and praying for me. How nice to hear a doctor say that!

I did get some bad news while I was there. Originally I thought I’d only be a misshapen maiden for 6 months…that I could do reconstruction as soon as the radiation was done. Doing the math, I figured I’d be ready to sport the bikini for next summer. But actually the reconstruction should not be done for about 6 to 8 months after I’m all finished with the radiation…when the skin is better healed. And that totally sucks!

As I left, I picked up a few brochures…one for restilin, one for botox, a couple for some skin care products. Because you just never know!