It's 9:30 at night, and I am drinking a cup of coffee. Not too bright on my part, as I'll have a hell of a time getting to sleep. However, my coffee is my motivating tool right now. You see I have homework for my grad class to do, but I just can't get myself to settle down and do it. This is quite scary, as the term has just begun, and I'm usually quite enthusiastic about doing my work at this stage of the game. But I'm not feeling it this year. There may be several reasons for this:
1. I wasn't thrilled about the class offerings this term. Seems like there's so much for elementary or initial license teachers, and only a handful for us seasoned, secondary teachers. And of that handful, I had already taken some of them. So I was limited in my selection.
2. I'm taking an English Language Learners class. This is good, as I've never had a class to help teach ELL students. However, I've had little to no experience with ELL students, so I have NOTHING really to connect with when trying to learn new info or to contribute to class discussions.
3. Because I've never had an ELL class or worked with ELL students, I feel dumb in class. Usually I have a lot to add to classroom conversations about what I find works or doesn't work. Now I just must remain silent and soak it all in.
4. It's an elementary class. The course description did not state this. The only interest I have in elementary classes is when my own son enters them. Other than that, I'm not interested in teaching in them.
5. Amongst other work, we have to write weekly 3 page reflections about what we've read. I'm kinda tired of writing reflections. I feel like I've done this in my past 4 classes, and it gets tiring. Can't I just read and make little notations in my book. Must I write a "report" on everything I've read.
6. The weekly reflections are GRADED. So now I'm nervous about whether I'm doing it right. Am I writing enough, summarizing enough, asking enough questions, making enough connections, etc.
7. If I miss more than one class, I can't get higher than a B. Considering the fact that I'm due 3 days after the last class, there's a possibility that I might be missing that class. And my grandmother in NJ is very sick, so I also might have to leave to see her. I'd hate for this class to be the "B"lemish on my transcript. I know I shouldn't stress about my grade..it's all about the learning...right?
8. Other reasons, not sure what they are, but I'm sure they're there.
I know I should be more optimistic and have a better attitude. It would make this work more enjoyable. But for now, I'll just sip on my java, crank out some reflections, and try to just "get it done."