Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Mommy Failure???

After watching Rockstar INXS (I'm quite bummed because they kicked TY off...he would have been awesome for the band), I've spent the remainder of my evening perusing Nanny sites on the web. And although there's a huge relief to think about someone coming into the home a couple days a week to watch the kids, part of me feels like a complete failure. There are a ton of single moms out there who have so much more on their plate. There are plenty of stay-at-home moms who love what they do and have the perfect house, forever with a smile on her face. So why can't I just embrace the fact that I can afford to stay at home and be with my children. Why does it seem so overwhelming to me? Let me try to break this down.

1. I have a husband who works way too many hours a week, often leaving the house before the kids wake up, and not coming home until after they're in bed. The days when he does get home early, he's on call, so I can't plan any appointments because there's no guarantee he'll be around.

2. I have NO family to rely on in this state. I can't just drop off the kids at grandma's and get my haircut or go grocery shopping, etc.

3. My husband is VERY picky with babysitters...and of the 4 years we've been here, only one has been completely trusted with our kids....and she already has a full-time job, is not always available, and must travel from Lino Lakes to get here.

4. I am taking a grad class at the Univ. of Minnesota. The workload always seems pretty high to me. This time I'll have to go into a school a little bit, which means I have no care for my kids.

5. My neighbor, who I used to rely on for care if I needed to go to the doctors or something, is no longer available because she'll be doing ABA therapy with her autistic son every day of the week.

6. I have VERY active children. And a simple task like going to the grocery store seems monumental as I'm trying to balance a 1 year old in one arm (who now tries to get out of my arms so he can walk in the aisles and pull stuff off shelves), while pushing a full cart with my other arm. Not sure even how this could work when the baby comes in December.

7. Due to my husband's call schedule, Saturdays often seem just like any other week day, with all childcare/household responsibilties still on me.

As I read through this list, I guess it seems justified that I could use a little help watching the kids, so I could have some time to go to the store, make drs appts, do hw. But I still get all tense about it...thinking that other mom's do it, why can't I? My mom raised us 600 miles away from her family. And the money paid for a part-time nanny when I'm a stay-at-home mom, seems ridiculous. "Mother's Helpers" they're called to make the mom feel better about the whole deal. Still makes me feel like a failure.


At 12:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dear Cari, first of all don't ever compare yourself to me or anyone else. Your situation is a lot different than mine was and we live in a different time. When we moved to Indiana, I already had 2 children school age and only 1 two year old at home. Your Dad also came home at 5:30 every day and had week ends off. And my house was probably 1/4 size of the one you have now. And it still was tough not having family around (a lot easier when we met the Lemmings though). That just about says it all. Right now I myself feel so overwhelmed with my responsibilities, as almost everything is also on me because of the distance Dad travels everyday and the time his work demands and along with my work responsibilities and committment, along with wanting to be available for Mom-Mom at this time and for you and the new baby. Something has to change and depending on who we are and what is best for us, those decisions will be made.........unless we want to stay in this state of turmoil and be miserable. I for myself will be cutting my hours again so I can do what I feel is important for me personally and my family (and at the same time I also feel that I am letting some people down because of this decision. But I need to work (part time), have a social life, be able to take care of home responsibilities, help with Mom Mom, be able to visit you and Scott and be available for Dana and Chelse. That is what I believe I am called to do now in this time of my life and what makes me fulfilled. And for you going to school is very important because of not only what it offers you professionally, but also socially and personally outside of your home life. Cari, I believe you know what you have to do..........you will find that right person to help you out with lots of prayer. Love you,


Post a Comment

<< Home