Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

The day

I am not amazing. I keep getting these really great messages from friends/family/strangers about how amazing I am. And I certainly do appreciate the encouragement. But let me tell you how amazing my day was today.

Cameron woke me up around 6:30. My husband sent me back to bed while he got him breakfast.

After resting for a little longer, I joined my mom and son downstairs. We discovered the coffee maker was broken....major catastrophe, so my mom went out and got coffee.

Ella and Max made their way downstairs, and eventually had their instant oatmeal breakfast (Ella prefers hers cold these days!).

The kids played nicely, mostly, until I put Cameron on the bus.

Max and Ella continued to play, while I sat on the couch and just vegged out and basically did nothing. I just couldn't seem to break out of this funk. Eventually, my husband told me to go upstairs to lie down, while the kids played in the basement.

Around lunchtime I finally dragged myself out of bed, got a shower, heated up some food for the kids, and then hitched a ride with my mom to 2 of my doctors' appointment.

Then I came back and rested...again.

See...nothing major. Nothing amazing that I'm doing. Now everyone else around me...they're amazing...especially my mom. But no great feats out of me. I'm not some..."screw cancer...I'm going to live life like a normal kind of girl. Cancer can't get me down." I'm not taking this time to raise money, raise awareness or raise my IQ. I wish I could be that way. But right now, I'm just too tired. I'm just getting through each day.

Radiation just seems to be sapping my energy big time right now....or else I need some major espresso shots added to my daily brew. I think I'll try that tomorrow!

Cameron's school is part of some grant that sends math games home with the kids each week. It has been a lot of fun, especially when Max can start to do the games with him. It was nice watching the two boys work together to create 3-D sculptures before school this morning. Cameron is very encouraging to Max.

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At 9:19 PM, Blogger Fantastic Four said...

You have an excuse to have a day like that...Now, what is my excuse for the inability to get anything done since school started? Tom joked the other night and told me to add bon-bons and "Days of our Lives" to my on-going list of things to do during the day! Ha, Ha! Coffee pot broken is a bad thing; however, having no cold Diet Coke in the fridge is my bad morning!

Don't you LOVE that math grant? We have a TON of games at home; however, it is nice when they come home with a game I have not bought yet!

Take care and always thinking of you!

At 11:52 PM, Blogger mi said...

I don't admire you so much for being amazing. I admire you for being real.

At 2:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take care of your self. I am glad Your husband is letting you get extra naps. You need it to get better. Listen to your body. Your kids are great and so cute. They will be fine till you get over this hump in life. I pray for a 100 percent cure and all the pain and numbness to go away. God bless you and your family.
BLOG unzens6-animals.blogspot.com.

At 4:42 AM, Blogger LH said...

Damn it, if we say you're amazing, you're amazing. Just deal with it!

At 7:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cari, I know you have a hard time accepting the compliments about "amazing". Just remember that all your thoughts, words and actions are a product of you trying to live "The Word". So when someone expresses their amazement, give all the thanks, praise and glory to God for his amazing presence in you. Love, Mom

At 7:40 AM, Blogger Jaye said...

I have to second the sentiments of lh. It's not so much that you have to go out and save the world while dealing with cancer that makes you amazing. It's the fact that you put yourself out there, naked to the world, filling us in on the details, your feelings, etc., so that we can share the experience with you. Plus your attitude about the whole thing is awesome, encouraging and a testimony to your believing in God and His love for you. You are a wonderful example, whether you realize it or not.

God made you amazing (remember the "fearfully and wonderfully made" verse? TRUTH), and it doesn't matter if you don't feel like you're amazing, or have a day where you just need to take heed unto yourself - God still thinks you're amazing and wonderful and righteous and His precious child. How can we possibly think anything less of you than THAT?

Ephesians 3:16: "That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;"

Ephesians 2:10 (New Living Translation): "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

Your family is equally amazing, especially your mom and Melvin. I am thankful for all of your lives! So stop being so hard on yourself. You may never know how your life has helped others for the best!

Love & hugs!

At 3:21 PM, Blogger Caro said...

Your attitude has been amazing and inspiring. It's obvious you have run through a gamut of emotions and you are willing to put them all out there for us to read.

So you are amazing to us. :-)

I love, love, love the professional pics you posted a few entries down. What truly beautiful work with truly beautiful subjects.

At 7:30 AM, Blogger KC said...

i still think you're amazing. and your kids are really cute, too.

At 9:42 PM, Blogger dm as pups said...

You are having an impact that you may never be fully aware of. My grand mother and my mother both passed away from mastastised breast cancer. I was very young when my grand mother passed away, and really too young when I lost my Mom, but I know what a change my life took when I held my Mom's hand on her last night. She wasn't a cancer warrior either, but those closest to her saw how she fought and knew when she had made her peace. I know more about breast cancer than my doctor because I have insisted on educating myself; protecting myself and my girls. My sister, who wasn't even 13 when our mother passed away participates actively in breast cancer awareness programs. We fight the battle in honor of our mother. Let your husband and mother help you fight your battles and hug your children, for they know your strength more than you.


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