Healing

Although radiation really drains me, something things are better.....much better.

I don't have those horrible, unbearable headaches anymore. They seemed to go away when I started the steroids again, but the past couple nights I haven't taken my evening steroid, just to see what would happen. The headaches did not return. So I'm assuming that the growing tumor (that we thought was gone), is shrinking with the radiation. Of course I don't know this for sure, but it makes sense, and it makes me feel good.

I also was prayed over at church last Sunday by our pastor Greg Boyd and other members. I had a lot of anxiety over this concept of "healing" because you hear so many different stories....if you just believe you'll be healed, it will happen...if you believe it enough, it will happen...if you have any doubt, you will not be healed....If you pray the healing scriptures enough times, you will be healed, etc. etc. etc. Sounds simple....but how scary. I know people who have been filled with 100 times more faith than I am, and yet they were not healed. Does this mean they were doubtful? And then, what exactly is doubt? If you think about being sick, are you being doubtful? If you're preparing yourselves or others for the worst, does this mean you're doubting the Lord's ability to heal? If I'm absolultely positively without any kind of doubt sure that I will be healed, I would not have a worry or care in the world with regard to my health, right? Such a wonderous concept of healing should not bring such stress on a person.

My pastor prayed not only for healing, but for peace. Because he said that we need to have faith, and we need to believe in healing, but ultimately do any of us actually know if we'll be healed? No. That's up to God to decide. We need to believe that we can be healed. We need to push ourselves into putting everything into God's hands, and Him to come into us and heal us. But we have no control over that. And doing everything medically and leaning on each other emotionally and supporting each other spiritually are all things we need to do. None of those things doubt our Lord. And ultimately, let's face it, we will be healed, living a glorious life in heaven.

I think I'm rambling now...probably making no sense. But the good thing is, I felt good after being prayed over. Hearing someone rebuke my illness just felt so right. I might not have fallen down on the ground, spun on my head and danced for joy that I had felt the Holy Spirit and, I was healed. But I did feel His healing touch...and I feel at peace.

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James 14-15
Is anyone among you sick? He should call in the church elders. and they should pray over him, anointing him with oil in the Lord's name. And the prayer of faith will save him who is sick, and the Lord will restore him; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.