Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Not looking for a comeback

I had my quarterly appointment with my oncologist this week. Except for my white blood cell count, which for some reason is still low, all my tests came back good. No cancer markers showing.

I should be thankful, thrilled and excited. And thankful I am. But I can't seem to get excited because lately, I keep coming across some articles about cancer reoccurence. To be honest with you, I just assumed that people who had the breast cancer come back weren't aggressive enough in treating it the first time...like they had had a lumpectomy, or they didn't do radiation, etc. So I just assumed that if you do the deluxe treatment...the full mastectomy, chemo and radiation, then all the cancer would be killed, and there'd be no place for it to come back to.

Well, I'm dead wrong. It can come back to other parts of the body, with the triple negative kind of cancer that I have being more aggressive.

Here are a couple things I've read lately causing this concern:

Now, I know that if it comes back, it comes back, and I'm not sure if there's much I can do to stop it. Also, worrying about it coming back will help nothing. But for some reason, I'm getting very anxious...and I'm usually not like this. I actually started thinking about all the different things I've wanted to do/places I've wanted to visit and began planning in my mind how I could start accomplishing them before it's too late.

I know, it's a horrible attitude to have. I really need to remember: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).



At 11:39 AM, Blogger Andrea said...

When Mel was deployed and I was dealing with the melanoma, I felt the same feelings of anxiety and worry (and did for a while afterwards). The scripture you quoted is the same one I turned to. God is in control. We need to give all our worries and fears to Him and He will see us through. God did not give us a spirit of fear.

Great news from the doctor! You did every treatment possible to fight this cancer and it is gone from your body.

At 2:04 PM, Blogger AnnD said...

Great news from the appointment - I can only imagine that what you are feeling is very common (unfortunately).

Not that I have done it - but I have thought a lot about it over the past day or so (for completely different reasons than you face or he faced) - is to read Randy Pausch book re the last lecture. I am only gandering (since I have only heard about it via my husband) that it is about living life to its fullest. Thinking I have to get a copy.

I am not a scripture type of girl - but I appreciate the words nonetheless.

HOpe you can beat the feelings very soon.

At 2:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The cancer coming back is my biggest fear especially since no one knows why I got breast cancer in the first place. How do you fight something so random?

Be diligent with your follow ups and just enjoy life.

At 7:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


It's understandable that you would feel anxious. Christian or not, you are human. But the simple fact that you are a Christian should give you peace. If we worried about the "what if's" in every situation in our lives, all we would do is worry. Contemplate and meditate on the scripture that you wrote in your post, and be assured that all things happen for good for those who love the Lord and seek His face. He's always there for us. Keep the faith and the courage!

Love you much
Auntie Nita

P.S.: I'm hoping that the good news from your doctor becomes your reality!

At 7:26 AM, Blogger Jaye said...

Keep remembering that verse, and this one (emphasis mine): "Beloved, I wish above ALL THINGS that your prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth." III John 2.

God WANTS you to be healthy and happy, as do we all! Believe it and watch God keep His promises, since He cannot lie!

And I'm glad to hear the great news from your doctor!

Love & hugs! Continually praying for you!

At 9:56 PM, Blogger Caro said...

I think your feelings are perfectly normal.

I can't begin to imagine the range of feelings you have gone through.



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