Different Parts

The other day I was taking a shower, and as usual, Max wanted to join me. Normally he just tries to pour out all my shampoo, shower gel or conditioner into cups and plays “mad scientist” combining all of his ingredients.

This time, however, he was observing me. At one point he looked at his penis, then looked up at me. Please don’t, I thought to myself. He looked at himself again, and then up at me. “Where Mommy’s go?” he asked, pointing to where he thought my penis should be.

My first thought was to tell him that I was a bad little kid who didn’t listen to my mom, constantly woke her up in the middle of the night demanding milk, dumping out toys and drawers wherever I was, and screaming NO WAY at the top of my lungs…so as a punishment they cut it off.

But I’m not that sinister. So I just looked at him and said, “I’m a girl. Girls don’t have penises.” “Oh yea,” he responded, as if he actually knew what I was talking about. Immediately after, he again looked at his own penis, and up at me, and again asked, “Where Mommy’s go?” Ugh. I thought, here we go again. I know they say you should just tell your kid the real names for anatomy from the beginning so they’re not embarrassed to talk about it. So I relented and said, “I have a vagina, I don’t have a penis. Girls have vaginas, boys have penises.” Right after I said that, I had a flashback of when I was at the store with my 2 year old niece who kept lifting up my skirt in the checkout line. “What are you doing!?!?” I finally asked in frustration. She responded with, “Trying to see your vagina.” Right away I regretted what I had just told Max, expecting him to now constantly refer to my vagina. But luckily, he just looked at me and again said, “Oh yea.”

And then he looked up at my chest, and looked at his own. He pointed to his chest and said, “What’s that?” I told him his chest. His standard response, “ Oh yeah.” Then he pointed to me and said, “But what’s that?” I don’t know how he could have seen any kind of difference. I’ve always been small, and after nursing 3 kids, he could probably fill out my bras better than I can. And until I get the time to get the implants I’ve always wanted…then I don’t see how Max could make a distinction between him and me. But I went ahead and told him “Those are breasts.” And then again I feared what he might say, as my neighbor had just told me that her 3 year old was squeezing her and said, “Mommy I love your breasts.” Luckily Max just responded again with, “Oh yea.”

I was nervous about any more questions he might have, but instead of talking anymore, he just decided to lie belly down on the shower floor and try to slurp up the water accumulating there.

I hope Max doesn't have any more body parts inquiries for a while. But I might need to initiate one with Cameron. No matter what I explain to him, he continues to tell me that girls can't pee because they don't have penises.

And anyhow...why am I having these conversations? Their father is a doctor. I think I need to pass the buck on this one.