UnDomestic

Dear Cari

2010-01-06T22:52:00.002-06:00

I miss you so much. Words cannot explain the loss that I feel without you. Just reading this now seems trivial compared to what I feel. I need you. I was told following your death that writing to you would make me feel better. You know what I said to that! I’m still the skeptic you married. Nevertheless, months after the suggestion, I find a strong urge to do this. It is now 5am and we just arrived in Orlando last night for the first time without you. I haven’t been able to sleep. I wish so much that you were here.

Our arrival was classic. You know how we used to say that the best part of our vacations here is walking out of the airport into “the Orlando Air”. Well our kids seem to agree. It was only about 50 degrees, but you might have thought it was 90 degrees listening to Cameron. He was so excited. He told Sara that he should have brought a tank top because he was sweating! Cameron also wanted to know, “How do they make it look so pretty?” Max exclaimed, “ l love the smell of the air”. Cameron agreed. Ella, as you know, usually comments on the “coconut trees”, but not this time. She was pretty quiet. I think the late flight wore her down.

The resort we’re staying at is great! It’s funny as I could imagine your thoughts as I took a look around. I know exactly what you would say about everything I saw. I just wish that I could actually hear you say it. The people are friendly. Despite our late arrival the kids have been surprisingly good. Sara claims that she saw an armadillo. No one else saw it. So for our whole walk to find a place to eat Cameron was teasing Max (who you know was deathly afraid) about seeing the armadillo. All three of the resort restaurants were closed so after walking the kids back to the room, we ended up ordering Carryout from Wendys.

It wasn’t a bad night. Love you. Melvin

My angel

2009-09-22T23:32:00.004-05:00

The day that I prayed I would never see has come. Cari passed away this afternoon. It occured peacefully and comfortably in our home. I want to thank all of you who have followed her blog. You have been a source of comfort and strength for my wife through her long struggle with cancer. She started this blog a few years before her cancer diagnosis simply out of curiosity. It is amazing to see how this has developed into such an important aspect of her life.

I've had her blog entries converted to books dating back to her first one in 2005. Each of our children will receive a set. It is only fitting to close with Cari's last words left for our three beautiful children.

Cari's words:

My dearest Ella. I just want you to know that you are the sweetest little girl in the world. You always bring a smile to my face with your bright eyes. You also have a very giggly laugh that I just love to listen to. You are very funny! Also, you are very determined, and can certainly hold your own when it comes to your brothers. You played laser tag the other day and loved it! I love you so much.

My lovely Max. Just like your brother and sister, I love you so much. Such a sensitive big boy you are. You used to cry because you didn't want to get your hair cut because you didn't want to lose your curls. You always look so handsome with your sweaters and other clothes. I can't wait until you start kindergarten and show everyone how smart you are. And you are always so helpful...especially when it comes to setting the table. I also love how you 're always hugging your sister.

My dear Cameron, you are my first born. Oh how you used to cry. That's because you were a mama's boy. I love you so much. There are several books that I want you to read. They are in the reading room. For when you are old enough to read them. I'm very excited about you getting into the gifted program. You are so smart. You have also been so sweet helping me out when there were things I couldn't reach when I was in my wheelchair. You've also been doing great in track and at football camp.

And for all my kids, be nice to everyone.....especially each other.

This letter was left on her computer for the kids. She wrote it just a few weeks ago. Again, thank you for all of your support and please continue to pray for our family.

Melvin

Busy Week

2009-09-13T21:25:00.005-05:00

Can't believe it is over a week since the last posting. I keep going back to edit this as each day is different and doesn't seem to be relevent the time I want to post. I also wanted to post some pictures of the kids first day of school, but haven't figured that out yet so you will only get words this time. Cari had a relatively better week. Meaning she was not sleeping as much as the last week, not in as much pain, however on the other end, very restless and often confused throughout the day and night. Cari asked me today why she is so scared. I was greatful to receive a book from Fairview Home Health Care and Hospice and was able to answer her question. It seemed to satisfy her and calm her down some. Not knowing what each day has in store for you can be frightening. I am just so honored to be able to be by Cari's side each day and hold her hand so she knows she is never alone on this journey. She actually had some visitors this week and was able to converse for short periods of time. Her Dad came for the week end and was pleasantly surprised to see her talking to him when he arrived at 1AM Saturday morning. She was asking for him all week so I guess she wasn't going to miss the opportunity to see him the first chance he arrived.

Like all families it was the first week of school for the Ashford kiddos. Cameron started 3rd grade with the Gateway program at Baily School. Max is now in full time kindergarten and Ella attends preschool 3 half a days a week. Well the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" is so true. The Ashford children are very fortunate to have a very involved Daddy and dedicated Nanny in their lives and neighbors helping to cart to practices and having play times with all that has to be accomplished.

This week we have plans to meet with Hospice and review what services they have to offer.
Please pray that Cari will find more restful moments, especially at night, so all can be refreshed to tend to her needs.

In His Peace!

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God."
Romans 8:18-19

Weekly Update

2009-09-03T11:48:00.002-05:00

Again this week our goal is to make Cari as comfortable as possible. Cari made an emergency visit to the hospital earlier this week as she was having difficulty breathing. Of course they did some tests and then arrived back home early the next morning. She is now on oxygen to help her breathe better and continues on maintenance pain medication. She is having some trouble swallowing pills so we have converted most of her meds to liquid or dissolving tablets or IV infusion. She just dislikes the taste of her meds and makes no qualms about letting us know. My sister in law made me chuckle when she said that Cari tolerated all her surgeries, chemo, radiation, mris etc.without complaint but she just does NOT like the taste of her meds!!!

The kids had a busy week end. Visit to the state fair, birthday party, fire works at Woodbury days and the end of the summer trip to Valley Fair. Also all three children are busy getting ready for school next week. Melvin took Max to his school open house yesterday AM and Cameron had his in the evening. Both got to meet their teachers and become familiar with their classrooms. It's so much fun to see their excitement for school and their excitement for learning. Cari has done a wonderful job preparing them for this school year and passing on her love of learning. Miss Ella will be attending pre-school but still trying to figure out how many days. All this coordinating of bus schedules and activities sure brings back a lot of memories of when Cari and her sister Dana and brother Scott were younger with the same challenges. We sure become more skillful at multi tasking and more organized when confronted with everyone's busy but important schedules. Life sure would be boring and too predictable without children wouldn't it?

Just want to thank everyone again for your supporting comments on the blog, the many meals that are always at our dinner table after the highs and lows of the day, the email/text messages/cards,the flowers to brighten Cari's and the families spirit, the spur of the moment child care needs and the friends and families that are always there offering their kinds words, help and prayers each and every day. The Body of Christ is so present for the Ashford family.

Tuesday August 25th

2009-08-25T12:16:00.003-05:00

The time between blogs are getting longer as Cari has become weaker over these past few weeks. So as her Mom I will be updating her blog these days. Last week Cari had 4 out 5 possible chemo treatments. When Friday came along a decision was made to not give her that last treatment as she was not progressing as hoped. Instead she was given an IV with saline and a medication which I think was an antibiotic for a possible infection. She is receiving IV infusion this week at home through home health care. Her father has also returned to spend the week to help care for her and love her through this time. A loving group from Woodland Hills Community Church also visited with our family and lifted Cari up in prayer. We were so thankful and blessed with their presence and kindness. Cari sleeps most of the time and is receiving meds for pain management. We ask that prayers be lifted to our Almighty Father that her spirit and health will be strengthened and she will feel the heartfelt loving arms of Jesus Christ through her family, friends and bloggers and that she will have peace of mind and heart during each precious day.

Wisdom 3: 1
But the souls of the just are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them.

Update

2009-08-17T19:22:00.003-05:00

Had chemo treatment today. Lab results were better than they have been in a long time. Even though I have not been able to write thank you notes, I appreciate what everyone has been doing for me. Will continue with treatments the rest of the week and will be meeting with my oncologist.

trans

2009-08-12T18:17:00.003-05:00

Today I had another blood transfusion...athough apparently I didn' t really need it. Unless something else happens, I'm free until next week when I start chemo again.

My engineer

2009-08-09T19:08:00.003-05:00

Here is Cameron with his newly self built K'nex Roller Coaster. Doesn't it look cool!
I'm off chemo for one week. I have blood test this week to survey the effects of the chemo. My dad and brother left for Indianapolis today. I'll miss them. I guess that's it.

Status

2009-08-06T18:55:00.002-05:00

In the past couple days I've had a blood transfusion, platelet transfusion, and chemo. I'm very tired right now. It is difficult for me to type. More updates soon.

daily

2009-08-02T16:01:00.005-05:00

Tomorow starts my daily routine of chem0. Last time I was very fatigued from this. I would sleep for hours during the day and not eve know it. I also still been experiencing a lot if pain in my head, back and neck.

ok

2009-07-27T13:41:00.002-05:00

It has been a long time since I have written. but I'm ok.

My computer actually was not working.

My sister is still here until tomorrow.

My mom is back.

And my husband is still wonderful

chemo chemo chemo

2009-07-16T20:05:00.005-05:00

So much has been going on here.

My mother in law is here, so that has been nice.

I started a new chemo today. And will have another kind each day next week.

I was able to see Harry Potter with my husband yesterday. Cameron was mad that we wouldn't let him see it. But it's really not for his age...at least I don't think so.

My mom will be leaving for a couple weeks. She needs the break but we will miss her.

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1 Peter 4-11

Farher, I pray that their family members love one another

That they are hospitable to one another without complaint

Serving by the strength that You supply.

So that in all things You may be glorified

a couple more bd pics

2009-07-13T13:34:00.003-05:00

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“We often suffer, but we are never crushed. Even when we don't know what to do, we never give up. In times of trouble, God is with us, and when we are knocked down, we get up again” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ComtemporaryEnglish Version)

Max 5th bd

2009-07-11T21:04:00.003-05:00

Max had his birthday party today at The Little Gym. His friend gave him some flowers that he liked.

He had a Cars movie cake on his actual bd.

And a Sponge Bob cake for his actual party.

Thanks for coming and for all the fun gifts

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"By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence." 2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)

more treatment

2009-07-09T12:38:00.003-05:00

Today is Thursday. We might be doing another Omya in my head this afternoon. This worries me because it makes me dizzy and I have vommited before.

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If we do the new Chemo, I will probably be in the hospital for 3 days. Whatever works.

more pics

2009-07-06T10:46:00.003-05:00

Watching fireworks

3 kids catching candy at a small town parade

My dad and mom at the parade. Unfortunately my dad had to go back home to work.

3rd Opinion

2009-07-01T15:24:00.003-05:00

Still looking for a chemo choice to stop/kill this cancer.

Spent last week tapering my steroids, and now the doctors want to raise the dose. They're hoping this will take pressure off the spine and possibly allow for some mobility. Now this also means I'll be hungrier. And when you're on steroids, your face gets all puffy. I'll look like a balloon.

I've been very tired of watching repeats of HGTV, Bravo,Food Network,etc. I mentioned to my husband that for some reason I was interested in watching Little House on the Prairie......one of my favorite show growing up. So he bought me the entire series. What a sweet guy.

My cousin Richard took this picture
http://www.kyw1060.com/pages/4621113.php?

I Peter 2:21-24 "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

2nd Opinion

2009-06-29T13:42:00.003-05:00

Here are the kids cuddling, watching a movie together. Sara took Max and Ella to the zoo, and Cameron was hanging out with a neighbor and went bowling with them.

My husband came home and we sought a 2nd opinion for treatment today. Nothing new. But it's always good to check. We'll try again tomorrow at the Mayo Clinic.

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2 Thessalonians 1:11-12[The Message]
Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what He's called you to be, pray that He'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the Name of Jesus, He will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving Himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving Himself freely.

2009-06-26T14:11:00.003-05:00

Okay, I was wrong. I don't have chemo today. We'll probably continue with that next week. We're going to get a 2nd and 3rd opinion about treatment options...probably heading down to the Mayo Clinic one day next week.
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2 Corinthians 4:8-18
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.13 It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, 14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in His presence. 15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal

2009-06-25T13:59:00.002-05:00

My neighbors gave my mom and me a wonderful luncheon yesterday. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such kind people. These are the same friends who bring over meals.
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I was featured in a college textbook called Literature and the Child (7th Edition) for something I did with my middle school students. That was exciting to see.

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More chemo tomorrow.
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"By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence." 2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-22T18:10:00.007-05:00

As I've said before, my husband really is the best...whether it's with me or the kids. This weekend he took the kids boating, giving me time to rest...when he's the one who should have been sleeping in. He also took me to the movies....The Proposal was pretty good. We also went bowling at PINZ, and all the kids had a blast playing Laser Tag. The weather was so nice, we got to eat my husband's BBQ outside on our deck.

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My legs appear to be getting weaker. I can't even move either of them anymore.

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The temp has been so hot lately...my mother was able to take me for a walk. It's always nice to get out of the house and not be freezing!

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Cameron finished football camp last week. He was recognized by the head football coach as the 1-on-1 Competition Champion.
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Malachi 4:6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers;

Results of MRI

2009-06-19T09:21:00.014-05:00

This is obviously an old picture of Ella and me. I meant to post it on her 1/2 birthday (June 6th) , but I forgot.

Things did not go well with the MRI. Actually the cancer is worse.. But we're running East..and not giving up. Now I'm not sure exactly what that means right now but stick with me in praying, please.
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I can't believe it, but New Kids on the Block was on TV yesterday morning!

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Also, the MRI showed some slight fractures in my back. I don't feel them.

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Hoping to get to the movies with my husband today.
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Jeremiah 23:29 says, "'Is my Word not like fire,' declares the Lord, 'and like a hammer that breaks rock in pieces?'" God's Word, spoken by us in and through our prayers, is powerful and effective, so effective it can move mountains, heal the sick, transform hearts, and change lives.

Poem link

2009-06-18T19:28:00.002-05:00

Here's the link for the poem if you're interested in ordering it or something similar.

Running East

2009-06-17T19:11:00.004-05:00

I've received a lot of gifts from people encouraging and praying for me. My Aunt Marianna and Uncle Keith sent me a framed copy of the poem below. I love it!

Today I Run East!
(A promise of HOPE)
By Barbara D. MacAdam

When I got the news, my world stood still. Like a breath in the twilight, tightly held through sheer will. So I’ve stayed in this dream state, suspended in time, where the past has not left and the future’s not mine.

Fear swells within me, and try as I might, I can’t stay where I am. I know I must fight. With a gasp my lungs burn, as I climb to my feet, but which way should I run—toward the West or toward the East?

The West holds my dreams & joys of my past. They are trapped in the sunset—how long would I last? I’d have to keep running just to stay in the light, but I’m growing so weary. I need help with this fight!

I rest my eyes briefly, lying prostrate due west, mourning precious time spent on this futile quest. The dark at my back, creeping forth from the East, holds the fear of the future like a stalking beast.

My heart has grown weary. My mind cannot cope. Shattered dreams slip through fingers—I’m losing all hope. Then a small voice recanted a promise I’d heard. “Come to Me all ye weary,” you can trust in My word.

It brought back a stirring of rekindled faith. I was flooded with HOPE and began to shake. What if I stood and faced down this beast—my fear of the unknown, that loomed in the East?

It then wouldn’t matter if I froze or I ran, for God’s earth has kept spinning since all time began. So I turned toward the darkness, no longer alone, and stepped in with arms reaching, as my soul searched for home.

And though the sun set behind me. I felt inner peace, for SUNRISE will soon meet me if,,,today I run East!
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Tomorrow I get an MRI, Chemo, and meet with an oncologist.

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Hebrews 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Weekend Update

2009-06-15T11:07:00.004-05:00

It was a very busy weekend around here. Sunday I was able to make it to church, which is always good. We even were able to make it to brunch.

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Thank you to my friends who took my 2 boys to hang out with them this weekend. They had a lot of fun.

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Cameron starts football camp this week. Should be interesting.

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I do continue to pass out..which is not good.
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Do you know Jesus?

Eph. 3:14-16: "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;"

Blood Transfusion

2009-06-12T21:43:00.002-05:00

I spent most of the day at the hospital.....again. My platelet counts were low, so I needed a blood tranfusion. All is well now.

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"Cast you burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee;" (Psalm 55:22)

2009-06-10T07:45:00.004-05:00

The boys had their first track meet last night. Between my mom and my husband, I was able to see a lot of it, before it got too rainy and I became too tired.

Cameron ran the mile and got first for his age group, with a time of 7 min. 11 sec.

Max got first for his age in the 400 meters.

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My mom arranged a luncheon for my friends from my Spiritual Spa (Bible Study) group today. It was nice to be together again with this group of wonderful ladies. And I'm very grateful for all the work my mom did.

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Tomorrow I have more chemo, and Friday I have an appt with a neurologist.

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1 Peter 2:9 (New International Version)
9But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

milestones

2009-06-08T12:08:00.008-05:00

It was a week of milestones around here.

Max had his last day of preschool, and will start kindergarten in the fall.

Cameron had his last day of 2nd grade, and finally his loose tooth came out.

And Ella had her first dance recital. Although she did the little toddler moves, she did not smile the entire time. Nonetheless, the show was incredibly cute, and I'm so happy I was able to make it.

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I seem to be passing out a lot more than ever. It seems to happen mostly after I've been sitting for a while. And since I still can't walk......well....I'm obviously sitting a lot.

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Check out my niece singing a song for me here.

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Thessalonians 1:11-12[The Message]Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what He's called you to be, pray that He'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the Name of Jesus, He will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving Himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving Himself freely.

flowers and more

2009-06-04T19:16:00.007-05:00

These are the flowers my neighbor planted.

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Good news and bad news with my MRI. There are no new signs of cancer activity in my brain. But there is possibly slight growth on my spine, which may be causing the weakness that continues in my legs.

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I also had Chemo put into my Omaya Resevoir yesterday. This involves sticking a needle in my head. What fun! I think it's supposed to go down my spinal fluid better this way.

great people

2009-06-03T09:46:00.007-05:00

Our nanny Sara took the kids to the zoo yesterday. I'm sure they had a fun time.
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Due to some headaches, I had an MRI yesterday. We should get the results back today.

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My friend Shawn is such sweetheart. She hung out with me last night while my husband was working and my mom took the kids to track.
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My neighbors continue to be wonderful. Last night no only did someone make my family a homemade dinner (thanks Kris), but someone else surprised me by planting flowers along the front of my house (they're beautiful Dalia).

Psalm 73:26"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." (KJV)

sleepy boy

2009-06-01T19:04:00.002-05:00

Preschool can be really tiring work sometimes.

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The Lord is your keeper;

The Lord is your shade at your right hand.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;

He shall preserve your soul.

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in

From this time forth, feom this time forth, and forevermore.

Psalm 121:5, 7-8

shades

2009-05-31T12:24:00.007-05:00

I can"t help but continue laugh at this little girl of mine.

My mom comes back tonight. We're all happy about that around here.

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Yesterday we were able to go see the movie UP. I thought it was really good. We also visited a new game/arcade/bowling place in the area called PINZ.

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Numbers 23:19"God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good

graduation

2009-05-29T20:33:00.006-05:00

Max had his preschool graduation today.

Here he is with his wonderful teacher.

I was very happy that I was able to be there to see him.

Deuterotomy...Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people." 7 What other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the LORD our God is near us whenever we pray to him? 8 And what other nation is so great as to have such righteous decrees and laws as this body of laws I am setting before you today?
9 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

working for healing

2009-05-28T21:55:00.004-05:00

My last cyberknife is over....for now. I might be even more fatigued for a while, but will hopfully gain more strength back.
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I have more chemo tomorrow and will visit with the oncologist.

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Max's preschool graduation is tomorrow. It should be so cute to see.
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Lamentations 3:21-25, "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.' The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him." (NIV)

Down on the farm

2009-05-27T19:04:00.004-05:00

Ella had a friend over today. They had fun dressing in costumes. -----------------------------------------------------------------

Max had a field trip to a farm today. Here one of the parents is helping him hold a cat.

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I finished my 2nd Cyberknife. Despite my Ativan to relax me, I was much more uncomfortable. Pray with me that tomorrow will be a better experience.

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ISAIAH 11:6-9 And the wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them. And the cow and the bear shall feed, their young ones shall lie down together, and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice's den. They shall not hurt or destroy in all My holy mountain, for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.

this and that

2009-05-26T10:31:00.005-05:00

Happy Memorial Day....a day late. I had a great time at a picnic with my friends.
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I have physical therapy today, and I have a cyberknife procedure for the next 3 days.

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My little Max and Ella are so sweet. This morning, as I was resting on the couch they both came up to me to give me kisses to start their day.
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Psalm 69:32, “The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.’” (NLT)

Party time

2009-05-25T12:07:00.005-05:00

I was able to make it to church again yesterday, and today I'm hoping to get to a picnic today with my Bible study group and our families.

Cameron's birthday party went very well. And we had some great parent helpers....along with my husband, who really was Superdad!

Here's Cameron playing Deal or No Deal.

Some of the younger kids actually won some stuffed animals from the Crane Game.

chemo

2009-05-22T12:57:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting here getting chemo right now. This is now a weekly event. They give you all sorts of premeds so you're not nauseous or anything. This does involve involve Benydryl, so I do get very sleepy.

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I'm in really nice room with a private TV. The Food Network, HGTV, Bravo, and ABC usually are my channels of choice,

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When you walk into a doctor's office, and everyone who works there knows your name....I'm not sure if that's good customer service, or if I'm just at the doctor's way too much. Both I'm sure!

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FYI If you're commenting on my blog, and you're not a regisatered user, I cannot respond to your comment. Blogger will not let me. So please don't think I'm ignoring your message.

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Deuteronomy 31:8, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (NIV)

Cameron's 8th Birthday

2009-05-20T20:14:00.007-05:00

Happy 8th Birthday Cameron!

Above is the book his Aunt Dana sent him. He was up at 3am, wanting to open his first gift. We sent him back to bed, needless to say.

Here is Cameron with his Pokemon cake.

He was very excited to get some new video games.

He's been very sweet, helping me out whenever I need something that I can't get when I'm in my wheelchair.

His birthday party is on Saturday, so expect to see more pics then.

Exposed

2009-05-19T10:08:00.004-05:00

I have people who call me their hero...tell me how brave I am, etc. etc. But I must say, this is not all true. So I decided in this blog to just put it all out there. Not at all because I want sympathy, but because I want people to know what those with cancer, or those in wheelchairs go through. I don't want to sugar coat everything.

First of all, not being able to walk makes everything difficult. Actually, if I'm lying down, I can't even sit myself up or move around. My husband has to turn me at night so I don't get bedsores.

Using the bathroom is an event in itself. We had to turn our laundry room into a makeshift bathroom, using a commode (a portable toilet), in order to accomodate the size of my wheelchair. And I have numbness in all different sorts of my body, so I actually cannot really feel all the time when I need to use the bathroom. After too many accidents last week, I finally resorted to what I call "adult diapers" or Depends. I was mortified at first, but was convinced that if I didn't use them, I'd be stuck in my house.

I also cannot feel when I actually do use the bathroom. I have to listen carefully and hear myself urinate or have a bowel movement. Gross.....I know....but it's the truth.

Also, I am very emotional. I can cry very easily. Things like numbers and time continue to be confusing to me, and my short term memory is still messed up. And that's hard for me to deal with.

And sometimes I get a glimps in the mirror. And I know I'm not supposed to care how I look...I need to be happy to be alive...but when I see that reflection, I just want to hide. My husband reassures me all the time that I am beautiful still, but I just want to look like I did before all this started. Cameron actually said that he forgot what I looked like with long hair!

I have more to say, but I'm going to end it by saying that the real heroes are my husband, who help and love me non-conditionally, my mom who helps me constantly so I can get out and try to be "normal," and those in wheelchairs who overcome such obstacles everyday. They are the heroes.

Now I must go....as the weather is nice, and my mom is going to take me for a walk.

Psalm 6:1 Yahweh, don’t rebuke me in your anger,
neither discipline me in your wrath.
cb(6,2);
6:2 Have mercy on me, Yahweh, for I am faint.
Yahweh, heal me, for my bones are troubled.
cb(6,3);
6:3 My soul is also in great anguish.
But you, Yahweh—how long?
cb(6,4);
6:4 Return, Yahweh. Deliver my soul,
and save me for your loving kindness’ sake.
cb(6,5);
6:5 For in death there is no memory of you.
In Sheol, who shall give you thanks?
cb(6,6);
6:6 I am weary with my groaning.
Every night I flood my bed.
I drench my couch with my tears.
cb(6,7);
6:7 My eye wastes away because of grief.
It grows old because of all my adversaries.
cb(6,8);
6:8 Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity,
for Yahweh has heard the voice of my weeping.
cb(6,9);
6:9 Yahweh has heard my supplication.
Yahweh accepts my prayer.

Will miss dad, chemo fine

2009-05-17T18:48:00.008-05:00

We had a good weekend around here. Well, I did have t0 spend all day at the hospital on Saturday getting chemo...but I didn't have any negative side effects. On Sunday, I did get out with my parents to the grocery store. Sounds funny that going to Cub Foods is a fun outing. But it was. My dad also wheeled me around the neighborhood before he goes back home to work tomorrow morning. He will be missed!

Did I ever tell you that my brother is a fast runner? Check him out here.

track stars

2009-05-15T13:49:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I had the chance to see Cameron and Max at track practice. That was a lot of fun. Last year Max acted like he didn't want to run. But this year he's very happy about it. When he found out that he got to run around the entire track, he was so excited. Now Cameron, on the other hand, doesn't seem as excited. It used to be that after his regular practice he'd run a 1/2 mile or more. But last night he said he didn't want to, and yet he said he'd still do well when it's time for the meets........we'll see. Ella ran all around as well, even though she's not old enough to be on the team yet.

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Still no word about starting chemo yet. We were hoping to start today. I think tomorrow will probably be the day considering how late it is starting to get.
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Because I thought maybe my chemo might be this morning, I didn't make it to my Bible study group (Moms' Spiritual Spa). That's always a bummer.

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3 John 1:2 (English Standard Version)
2Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.

Need New Chemo

2009-05-13T10:35:00.004-05:00

Looks like I won't be having the BBBD therapy. The doctor said he wouldn't do it if there wasn't improvement. Well, the MRI showed that the cancer is worse in the spine. Now we need to look at some different chemo. The good news is that there is no new cancer in the brain.

Walk for the Cure

2009-05-11T10:25:00.007-05:00

Yesterday was the Race for the Cure. My Aunt Kathy, who is at the back of this photo, had all these shirts made for the approx. 20 people who walked for me. This is mostly my dad's side of the family.In this photo you'll see more of my mom's side of the family.

I am so thankful to everyone for their efforts.

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Yesterday was a great Mother's Day. I was able to get to church and go out to breakfast. Then my husband grilled me some great BBQ chicken. My husband also bought my mom and I "The Bullet." I just had a smoothie from it this morning, and it seemed to work well.

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I have an MRI today and tomorrow.

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Hebrews 12:1,.... and let us run with perseverence the race that is set before us

A good morning

2009-05-08T19:25:00.004-05:00

Today I finally was able to attend my Moms' Spiritual Spa. It was good to get out and fellowship with my friends.
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My cousin is in the hospital right now about to have twins. So please pray for her.

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The Lions Woodbury Garage Sale ends tomorrow. You can probably get some good deals.

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John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)

All 3 down

2009-05-06T10:42:00.005-05:00

All 3 of my cyberknife treatments are over for now. As I said before, I guess the radiation can make me tired.
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Apparently I've been having issues with "passing out" or "losing time" when I try to stand up. I'm not sure if it's due to fatigue, lack of food/sugar at the moment, or another seizure.

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My mom is here again....which has been great for us. She says her back is better.

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For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.
2nd Cor. 4:16 King James Version

2 down

2009-05-04T18:48:00.005-05:00

Today I had my 2nd cyberknife procedure. Everything went much smoother as far as being able to lie there still for an hour. With my Ativan, it was quite relaxing. I have one more procedure tomorrow. Unfortunately the procedures seem to be making me weaker. Apparantly since this is radiation, it's normal for this to be happening.

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That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love. (Ephesians 3:16-17)

Kid pics

2009-05-03T18:07:00.007-05:00

Ella, Max and our Nanny Sara's Son Leo play under their pillow house. Max participates in a trike-a-thon at his school.

I love this picture of Ella at Teddybear park.

Cameron posing at the Minnesota Zoo.

Acts 19:20.........I thank you Father that Your Word prevails over our children

need joy, have joy

2009-05-02T17:28:00.008-05:00

I hear a lot about how strong I am, but lately I can tell you that I've been nothing but weak, both physically and emotionally. I'm not sure why, but a lot has been making me cry lately. Sometimes there's a reason for it, sometimes the tears just come down for no reason.

My husband continues to be so wonderful, basically having to do everything for me.

We will continue with Cyberknife on Monday and Tuesday afternoon.

My kids, especially Ella when she tells me I'm bald, still make me giggle.

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If you can, said Jesus. Everything is possible for him who believes.

1 cyberknife down 2 to go.

2009-05-01T17:11:00.003-05:00

My patience, and I'm sure my husband's persistance, has paid off. I was able to have the first part of my cyberknife procedure today. Lying in one spot for an hour was not fun, and although I could have taken a break, I just wanted the procedure to be done and without chance for error. I have two more hour long procedures next week. I'll have to update any progress then.
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My mom's back is still hurting. She's traveling back to Indiana this weekend to deal with some dental issues and spend time with my dad. Hopefully she can get some rest for her back while away from my kiddos.
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My platelets are back up, so that's good news.
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1 Peter 2:20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

Happening Next Week

2009-04-30T19:30:00.004-05:00

It appears that my Cyberknife procedure will be next week on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. We were hoping for this week, but we're just happy they can do the Cyberknife. It's an outpatient procedure, so I'm happy to get to come home.

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My mom hurt her back picking up Ella. Please pray for her healing.

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Romans 15:5 Now the God of patience and consolation grant you to be likeminded one toward another according to Christ Jesus:

Eph. 3:14-16: "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;"

Cool Quilt

2009-04-29T20:35:00.005-05:00

No info about when Cyberknife will occur yet.

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One of my very best friends whom I met while teaching several years ago, made me this quilt. She used T-shirts from our marathons we ran together and other running theme and teaching theme T-shirts. It's her first time making a quilt, and she did an amazing job! Thank you Lanette! You are awesome.

Puffy

2009-04-28T15:22:00.005-05:00

So I've showed everyone pictures of my family, but I've failed to show my sister! Really because I'm not liking the puffy-steroid-face I'm displaying in this photo! Next to me is my beautiful sister Dana who came to visit a few weeks ago and will be coming out this summer, too. She's a runner as well.
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Looks like my Cyberknife procedure will be either Thursday or Friday. I'll make sure I post before then.

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Psalm 92 1-5IT IS A GOOD THING TO GIVE THANKS UNTO THE LORD, AND TO SING PRAISES UNTO THY NAME, O MOST HIGH:To shew forth thy lovingkindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night,Upon an instrument of ten strings, and upon the psaltery; upon the harp with a solemn sound.For thou, LORD, hast made me glad through thy work: I will triumph in the works of thy hands.O LORD, how great are thy works! and thy thoughts are very deep.

Family and Running

2009-04-27T18:25:00.006-05:00

My aunt came to visit this weekend. It was fun seeing my mom and her sister together. And Aunt Nancy was the hit with Max and Ella.

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I get my blood tested a couple times a week. And today my counts were good. So no blood transfusions needed.

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My brother ended up getting 3rd place in the race he ran for me. But it was by .01. So for all practical purposes, he got 2nd. And if he hadn't revealed his banner for me, I'm sure he would've been in 2nd. His girlfriend Michelle made the cool shirt. Thanks!

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Deuteronomy 32:9-11 9 For the LORD's portion is His people, Jacob His allotted inheritance.10 In a desert land He found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; He guarded him as the apple of His eye, 11 like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions.
Psalm 17:7-9

All is fine

2009-04-24T20:35:00.003-05:00

Thank you for all the prayers yesterday. Everything went very smoothly and I was so distracted with all my tests that I wasn't even hungry. And as usual, the nurses and techs were incredibly kind.

My tests all came back well. My blood counts and such were all up. I don't have pnemonia or anything like that.

I was also able to get out and meet with my small group from church. It's been a while since I've been able to hang out with them, so I am very, very happy about that.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Hungry

2009-04-23T09:06:00.004-05:00

I try to be positive and not complain....really. For the most part I'm okay with everything...I'm even now okay with getting an evening and morning shot.

But today, I am apparently not able to eat or drink anything past 9:20 AM . Now with the steroids I take, I am ALWAYS hungry. And if I don't eat or drink anything , I become incredibly lightheaded.

Mind you, it's something I have to do for some testing I'm having done, but still, I'm not happy about it. It probably won't be until 3:00 when I can eat again!

And now I feel bad about complaining! I am alive and just should be happy about that.

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Exodus 23:25 And give worship to the Lord your God, who will send a blessing on your bread and on your water; and I will take all disease away from among you. (Basic English)

Just more info.

2009-04-20T18:51:00.004-05:00

Well, we are still waiting approval for the cyberknife with our insurance. But we do plan on doing it.

I'm working on my strength with physical therapy that my mom helps me with.

Thank you so much for your prayers. It has been over 2 days, and I have not had the burning leg shingles pain. That's a huge relief.

My brother ran a race for me and raised over $1000 to help stop breast cancer! Thank you to everyone who contributed! He's the one in front with the red shorts and white shirt. I think he ended up in 2nd or 3rd place. Thanks Scott!

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It is good to give thanks to the Lord, and to sing praises to Thy name, O Most High; to declare Thy loving-kindness in the morning, and Thy faithfulness by night... For Thou, O Lord, hast made me glad by what Thou hast done, I will sing for joy at the work of Thy hands. How great are Thy works, O Lord! -Psalm 92:1, 4-5

A little dancing

2009-04-19T12:37:00.003-05:00

Ella is in a dance class with a neighbor. Aren't they adorable!
Unfortunately I didn't get to church today. Trying to avoid any infections.

Trying the Cyberknife

2009-04-17T15:33:00.003-05:00

Obviously a lot has happened in a week, and I'm sorry I have not updated that much. I'm still not able to walk. And I've been in and out of the hospital with blood and platelet transfusions. They also found a bloodclot in my leg. And if we get the okay from the doctors, we're going to try the Cyberknife procedure, while continuing with chemo.

And I have to take this time once again to thank God for marrying me to my very patient, smart, persistant, godly husband.

And my mom continues to be nothing but a saint.

Eph. 3:14-16: "For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;"

Happy Easter

2009-04-13T16:20:00.005-05:00

Here's a picture of Max who always dresses so nicely.

Cameron made a headband for himself and our nanny's baby. Don't they look adorable!

Ella enjoyed collecting eggs! She was the only one not whining that she wasn't getting enough!

We had a good weekend. I got to go to church, and I hadn't been there in a few weeks. So that felt good.

Also my mom made an awesome Easter dinner with ham, sweet potato casserole, corn, asparagus, macaroni & cheese, crescent rolls. All very yummy.

Still can't walk. And tomorrow I'm getting another blood or platelet transfusion. Maybe it will give me more strength.

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Matthew 12:15 Great multitudes followed (Jesus), and healed them all.

Luke 6:19 The whole multitude sought to touch him: for there went virture out of him, and healed them all.

BBBD Update

2009-04-09T07:33:00.001-05:00

Cari had the first of 2 BBBD therapies at the U of M on Wed and again today at 7:40AM. First one's disruption was went very well. When she got back to her room and started waking up one of the first things she asked for was "food". That is a very good sign. As always, please keep her in your prayers that today's procedures is successful and that she will be on her way home tomorrow.

Cari's Mom

BBBD

2009-04-07T09:46:00.005-05:00

Today I am back to the hospital. They're going to do the Blood Brain Barrier Disruption. I'll be at the University of Minnesota for about 3 days if all goes well.

appt tomorrow

2009-04-05T21:05:00.005-05:00

There's not really much new to say. I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow. So
I'll have more info after meeting with him.

Here's a verse one of my dear friends has sent to me.
Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Place my yoke on you and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest for your souls, 30because my yoke is pleasant,and my burden is light.”

And here's something else you might want to read http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/04/walking-through-valley.html

Not good news

2009-04-04T14:10:00.004-05:00

I got the results from my MRI back. The results show worsening cancer in my spine. Doctor Hunt, who does the Blood Brain Barrier Disruption, allowing chemo to get into the brain and spine, isn't really sure that's a good idea anymore. But we're convincing him to try at least one more time. What other choice do I have? Just do nothing? That's not an option I'm going to take right now.
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Proverbs 16:20, "Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord." (NIV)

MRI Test

2009-04-03T20:12:00.005-05:00

I made it through my 2 MRI's these past two days without any intermittent pain. I had the burning pain before and after the tests, and it still continues but not during the test. So that was good. They tested my head and my spine.

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If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
—James 1:5-6

2009-04-01T13:38:00.004-05:00

Still home...which is wonderful of course. I have a lot of help at home with my mom, and our sitter Sara is very helpful with the kids.
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I'm still on a lot of medication that makes me drowsy. In the morning, from vitamins to antibiotics to steroids, I take about 12 pills! It's a little less at night.

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I only had 3 episodes of intermittent burning pain last night when I was trying to sleep, so praise God for that.

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As with most chemo, it's making my hair fall out. Which means it's working, so that's good. You can't see it too well in this picture, but I have a reverse mohawk!

That dent in the back is where I've had brain surgery before.

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And I wish it were, but none of this is an April Fool's joke.

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I do have a big prayer request. Thursday and Friday I have an MRI of my head and one of my spine. I'm very worried about having the burning pain during this procedure where I need to lie completely still.

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Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you. 1Peter 5:7

2009-03-29T14:56:00.003-05:00

Thankfully I am still home. It is so great to be out of the hospital and not be woken up every hour to have my vitals checked and such. Still needing prayers for the leg pain.

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Both my cousins Jen and Jill, who are sisters, had babies this week. This is very exciting. Here is a video of them if you're interested. http://www2.snapfish.com/mmsplay/slideShowOid=2193400/ownerid=77115017/controllerType=mms/preview=true/t_=71195566
and a couple photos of Jen's baby.
http://us.mg2.mail.yahoo.com/dc/launch?.rand=6bv2elnqqdhr4

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Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you have planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." Psalm 40:5 (NIV)

I'm Home!!!!!!!!

2009-03-27T11:14:00.003-05:00

Just another quick update for now. Yesterday they finally let me home from the hospital! I still can't walk, and still experience burning leg pain. But we're working on it.

I did have excellent care in the hospital, with wonderful nurses and nurses aides. One aide, his name was Honest. I thought that was pretty cool.

My neighbors are still amazing, providing meals (sometimes annonymously) making a ramp for my wheelchair, and just being very kind and helpful. I'm very grateful.

More of an update

2009-03-24T19:24:00.006-05:00

Still in the hospital, but getting slightly stronger every day. I still can't walk on my own. And still experience intermittent burning pain.

But I'm not giving up. I'm still praying for a miracle.

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Dear friends, don't be surprised by the fiery troubles that are coming in order to test you. Don't feel as though something strange is happening to you, but be happy as you share Christ's sufferings. Then you will also be full of joy when he appears again in his glory. (I Peter 4:12-13)

Hospital Stay Saga

2009-03-24T16:13:00.000-05:00

Blessings to all of Cari's blogger friends. Cari has been in the hospital since last Wednesday regarding the seizures she had. But happy to report that she is on seizure meds and so far it is now under control. One of the other reasons she has been hospitalized so long is because her blood counts were very low and they had to be raised to fight off any type of infection. She is also receiving Physical Therapy to help strengthen her body, especially her legs and arms. Being bedridden in the hospital for so long and the side effects of medication have weakened her muscles. But she is motivated to work on her strength so she can get home soon. She is also experiencing burning pain as an after effect from shingles. Please pray that this will also diminish quickly. But Rumor is that it may be this week that she will get home (let's keep our fingers crossed). After all we have a belated birthday to cele brate!

As always we extend our gratitude and thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers and meals and phone calls and most recently for the beautiful ramp her neighbors built so she can easily be transported in her wheel chair. As the weather improves be on the look out for her presence and smile in the neighborhood.

Cari's Mom

Birthday in the Hospital

2009-03-19T09:51:00.000-05:00

Cari arrived home from U of M on Monday night and had a good Tuesday at home. She had her old spark back with good conversation and scooting around the house in her wheel chair. Yesterday started out with a visit with Physical Therapy and visits from two friends. But mid afternoon Cari had 2 seizures and she was transported to the hospital. She is in ICU and will be going through testing again to address this issue. Not the way she would have wanted to spend her Birthday. Please lift her up in prayer that the reason for this happening will be determined and that the correct medication to keep this under control will be given.

Cari's Mom

finally home

2009-03-17T10:12:00.002-05:00

Just wanted everyone to know. I'll try to up date later

Still in the hospital

2009-03-15T18:21:00.002-05:00

Well, I am still in the hospital. The earliest I can go home is tomorrow. They need to do an xray to make sure my lungs are clear. I really want to get home because it 's hard to sleep here when you're being woken up all the time to have your vitals checked.

My husband said I am getting a little better with my walking. But it's very still very slight.

But I'm still so gratful for all the kind people at the hospital.

"The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."Isaiah 41:10

done with bbb procedure

2009-03-14T14:20:00.003-05:00

its hard for me to type well, so please excuse the short post

I've been very tired. And although I was in a lot of pain the other night, I dont remember Thursday at all.

Again, I've had wonderful nurses and great doctors.

Not sure when Ill be going home.

Dear friends, don't be surprised by the fiery troubles that are coming in order to test you. Don't feel as though something strange is happening to you, but be happy as you share Christ's sufferings. Then you will also be full of joy when he appears again in his glory. (I Peter 4:12-13)

Hospital Update

2009-03-12T18:36:00.002-05:00

Sorry this update didn't happen until now. Did not have Cari's password and could not get onto her site till now. Cari's BBBD procedure (Blood Brain Barrier Disruption) went well. She actually was admitted on Tuesday to place the port back for chemo administration along with pre op tests at the University of Minnesota. Wed and Thursday she had the procedure performed. As a matter of fact the Doctor just came in and the procedure went well. They were pleased with the results of the disruption, meaning the chemo got into the places they wanted it to. For more information about this procedure you can visit the website that talks about this procedure. She is sleeping a lot due to the medications and the anesthesia she underwent. But that sleep is well deserved since she was having problems sleeping over the last few weeks. If all goes well tomorrow, she will be going home. She is already scheduled for next month's procedure, as this will be a monthly therapy in the hospital. We just pray that the results will be successful. In a few weeks she will have an MRI and we will know better.

Phillippians 4: 7
And God's peace (shall be yours, that "tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace) which transcends all understanding shall garrison and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Update

2009-03-05T09:34:00.002-06:00

I thought I had updated this blog. But apparently not. Medically speaking I am not doing that well. I am getting weaker and it's harder for me to walk.

They are going to do the Blood Brain Brain barrier disruption next week I think. This should allow the chemo to get to the brain. They also think it might have gone to the bones.

Bible verse

2009-03-04T11:59:00.000-06:00

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Birthday Wishes

2009-03-03T15:27:00.002-06:00

Happy Birthday to the best husband in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanted to post this yesterday.

very short update

2009-03-01T10:00:00.003-06:00

Sorry I have not posted in a while. Dealing with a lot of medical stuff right now. Praying that all will be well. Just waiting for more test results.

More Medical Update

2009-02-25T12:57:00.005-06:00

Medically speaking

No new cancer was detected in the lumbar spine! yea

I am not having seizures.

I had another blood transfusion yesterday for my counts to go back up.

My weakness in my right arm and unsteadiness on my feet have suddenly come back.

Thank you again to all the kind medical people helping me out.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

2009-02-25T12:57:00.000-06:00

Medically Speaking

Good Things

Bad Things

quick update

2009-02-23T17:18:00.002-06:00

I am sick....but on medicine now.

based 0n the gazillion tests i had today, the doctors believe I have slight case of pnumonia. I'll try to update more later.

Saturday morning

2009-02-21T07:42:00.005-06:00

Hi friends and family!

Feeling good this morning. I usually feel pretty good in the morning. Aren't Saturday's great!

Cameron had a program at school yesterday. All of us went. He was NOT happy that we made him dress up....he still does not like "button shirts" but oh well...

Ella was really good when we were there. Our babysitter and friend Sara was there as well, and I am very grateful for that.

Max is so funny. He's downstairs right now, saying over and over and over and over again, as Cameron plays a video game. "Let's go Go Cameron yeah yeah!" "Let's Go Cameron yeah yeah!" His teacher said he's been talking a lot more lately. So that's really good.

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Isaiah 53:4-5
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with His stripes we are healed.

Even more good news

2009-02-18T12:37:00.002-06:00

I had my Lumbar Puncture yesterday, and I'm happy to report that it showed no cancer in the spine area where they took out the fluid. That's great news! I'll try to post more later when I have more time.

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This weekend

2009-02-16T07:36:00.008-06:00

People have been calling me worried because I had not updated my blog. I thought I had posted on Saturday....I was a day off. I'll just list a bunch of information here. Won't be too cohesive.

Happy Presidents Day! and Happy Valentines Day !

My kids have had a four day weekend. Time to get back to school! Although it is nice to just lie around the house in the morning sometimes (not that my kids sleep in past 6 or 7 am,) but at least there's no rush out that door.

This cancer can be pretty funny sometimes. So many times it's mind over matter. Most of the time, if I'm in pain, I can just wait a little while and it goes away. It's only when I'm trying to sleep that it bothers me most.

Melvin and I took the kids to Underwater World at the Mall of America. It was very crowded this weekend. But the kids had a lot of fun. We brought our godson Carlos as well. It was good to see him again. Melvin also played Monopoly with Cameron and Max. It was fun to see Max getting into it.

1 Kings 8:56
Blessed be the Lord, that hath given rest unto his people Israel, according to all that he promised: there hath not failed one word of all good promise, which he promised by the hand of Moses his servant.

Different Thoughts

2009-02-13T08:26:00.004-06:00

One of the issues of my cancer continues to be the time/scheduling. Really, I felt like I wrote and published my blog yesterday......obviously not!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I visited my oncologist and, he said my blood counts looked good. Yeah!!!! They want to start to taper my steroids, which sounds good to me. He said I could be more tired when they start the taper. Maybe that will allow me to sleep through the night without other medication.

Things went very well with Max's preschool trip to the Children's Theatre in Minneapolis. It was fun and the kids had a blast. I'm really happy that I got to go and felt great during the entire performance. It's a wonderful place to go if you're ever interested.

I did try to walk/ run last night. I didn't get very far though. Just felt it was getting late and I needed some rest. Sometimes running clears my mind...other times not so much.

Dear friends, don't be surprised by the fiery troubles that are coming in order to test you. Don't feel as though something strange is happening to you, but be happy as you share Christ's sufferings. Then you will also be full of joy when he appears again in his glory. (I Peter 4:12-13)

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

Let not your heart be troubled. You are entrusting God, now trust in Me. (John 14: 1).

I will never fail you nor forsake you. (Heb. 13:5)

Praise God Lord Jesus. I just praise you!!!!!

So much to say.

2009-02-10T08:48:00.011-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are awesome and I couldn't ask for a better dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must write....yesterday was not a very good day. Starting out with me basically not sleeping yet again...which I do believe can make one a bit emotional.

The toilet overflowed with water everywhere. Cameron apparently felt that if he kept flushing...the water would eventually go down...even though it was pouring all over the floor. Why he didn't just stop and tell me, I have no idea. But it was one huge wet mess! I think we used at least half the towels in our house! He was very helpful cleaning up.

However, I thought a pipe was leaking and called all over the place trying to take care of it myself so that Melvin didn't have to worry about it. I finally had someone come who at first also thought I had a leak, but then let me know that that yeah, it was the toilet. I am so grateful that this man came. (From Swenson Construction if you're looking for a really good guy. So no leaks. Thanks to all my neighbors and friends who were trying to help me find a plumber in the morning. I'm glad it was a false alarm.

Medically speaking to be honest, things feel like they have been flip flopping. I haven't had any tests in a while. So I'm not going to write much until I get more information. Some days are great, some are not. This cancer is crazy! But the more positive I remain, and the more I stick to my normal routine, the better things are.

And by the way. Ella, I love you so very much. You're funny and smart and make me laugh all the time!

A complete stranger (a friend of a friend) came by and brought me chocolate today. How kind was that!

Psalm 69:32, “The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God’s help be encouraged.’” (NLT)

We all should boast about our kids more

2009-02-07T19:34:00.008-06:00

Just need to say some good things about my kids.

Cameron
My oldest is just a busy bee. He's interested in so many things. From finishing Diary of a Wimpy Kid Three, playing his video games, working on a school knitting project, playing with friends, etc. We had his conference with his teacher and he's doing very well. I'm very proud of him.

Max
My middle child had his Kindergarten screening this week. He officially can now enter Kindergarten in the fall. Woo hoo! As usual, Max is very helpful and loves his art. He would draw and color and cut all day if I let him. I have him enrolled in an art class so he'd have something just for him to do. Now I still need to figure out what to do with all those projects!

Ella
When she's not driving me up a wall half the time with her stubbornness, Ella is cracking me up. The other day she wanted to go to Max's art class. I told her that Max goes to art class, and she goes to dance class. She looked at me and adamantly yelled, "Dance class is BORING!" Such a silly girl. That little munchkin loves dance class. She's just growing and growing and it's fun to hear her mind working!

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You're turn. Brag on your kids here.

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For God hath not given us the Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Results

2009-02-05T13:30:00.010-06:00

When I have chemo put in my spine for my lumbar puncture, the doctor also pulls out some spinal fluid to check for cancer cells. The pathologist said that the cells were atypical. Usually, this is a bad sign...meaning cancer cells. Except this time, she said that the cells seemed to have been degenerated. So it's like the cells were dying off. That is a very good thing. God is healing me. He is.

When I have my spinal done, I must say, the people throughout the entire experience are so incredibly kind...to everyone. From the doctor doing the procedure, to the tech helping, to the recovery room nurses. They really all are amazing. There is one older nurse named Tim who is so amazing with all the patients...just making them feel good...even when they end up urinating on themselves! He's just a very, very kind man! Although I wish I didn't have to see him every 2 weeks, I certainly don't mind.

I still need rest.

Matthew 11:29, "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (NIV).

Exodus 3 3:14 "The Lord replied, ‘My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'" (NIV)

Doctors and rest.

2009-02-04T19:32:00.002-06:00

Ella had her 3 year old check up today. She was my best kid at the doctor ever! She didn't cry or anything. She didn't need to have shots, but all my kids have cried when at the pediatrician. So I was quite proud of her and all that she could do. Sometimes I forget that she's three and all that 3 year olds should be able to do!

I have a huge prayer request for sleep. I guess it's the steroids not allowing me to rest, and nightime headaches. I'm up so many times at night, and it's affecting everything, as one can imagine. I'm still doing everything I would normally do. I'm just tired doing it. And my mind and memory start to get foggy.

I'll have to do a medical update tomorrow or later on tonight.

All went well.

2009-02-02T22:44:00.004-06:00

I just need to say....God is good.

Today went very well. The kids were good. Even with my husband working all night, everything went very smoothly. The house isn't even in shambles...(um, except the basement). Thank you Lord for a wonderful day.

I was even able to run/walk for 3 miles on the treadmill this evening. Woo hoo!

Tomorrow I have chemo through the lumbar puncture. On my back all day again!

“Let the morning bring our children word of your unfailing love, for they have put their trust in You. Show them the way they should go, for to You they lift up their soul." (Adapted from Psalm 143:8)

Fun with the Family

2009-02-01T17:21:00.011-06:00

Yesterday was a fun day for our family. The weather was unseasonably warm...even reaching almost 50! So it was perfect snowman/play outside weather. Even I joined in the fun...mostly taking pictures, keeping hoods on, replacing wet gloves, and making sure Melvin and Cameron's snowballs weren't hitting Ella or Max!

The day started out, however, with Cameron's last basketball practice of the season.

And then we hung out as a family outside. Later, Cameron FINALLY lost one of his front teeth...and this morning a 2nd one (he looks so funny!). I will be posting a picture later this week.

It was so warm out, that my husband even grilled steaks! Now how awesome is he!

Our evening had a bittersweet ending. It was my mom's last night here. She will be so missed and I can't thank her enough! But it's time for her to go back to my dad and get back to her normal life. We're trying out "normal" life here for now. It won't be easy, but it's something we need to do. My mom will be back in a heartbeat if we need her. But for now, I'm counting on God's healing powers to keep me going strong and to be able to be the mom and wife I want/need to be.

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Luke 17:11-19 (New International Version)
Ten Healed of Leprosy 11Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy[a]met him. They stood at a distance 13and called out in a loud voice, "Jesus, Master, have pity on us!"
14When he saw them, he said, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were cleansed.
15One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
17Jesus asked, "Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?" 19Then he said to him, "Rise and go; your faith has made you well."

Gophers, MRI, Movie

2009-01-30T21:45:00.004-06:00

We had a really good time at the Gopher's basketball game last night. I forgot how much fun college games are. I hadn't been to a college game since my sophomore year at Indiana University. I hate to admit that tonight I almost didn't go. Five minutes before leaving, I was lying in bed, head hurting, feeling worn out. But I just wanted to do this with Cameron. Along with Melvin, Cameron also brought a friend, and together, we all had fun.

I got my MRI results back, and they were good.....PRAISE GOD! There's no new cancer in the brain and in the area of the spine where the scan was done. And there was some decrease in the cancer as well. This was only for part of my spine. I'm not sure when I'll have an MRI for the some of the other areas. I'll try to post the actual "medical results" this weekend, for those who understand all that jargon

If you're looking for a fun, girly, lighthearted movie this weekend, check out The Bride Wars. My mom and I went to see it tonight, and it was a good time. Warning....there was only one guy in the theatre....it definitely is a chickflick!

Continued thanks for all the kind thoughts and prayers!

"Alas, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! There is nothing too hard or too wonderful for you."

Go Gophers!

2009-01-29T18:42:00.002-06:00

I'm supposed to go to a Minnesota Gopher's Game tonight with Melvin, Cameron and a friend of his. This should be interesting!

Building Buddies

2009-01-28T20:31:00.002-06:00

I've been on the treadmill a couple times this week. Walking mostly, and then doing a minute or two of running sometimes as well. SLOW.....I'm VERY SLOW. But I'm just trying not to fall over right now. The past 2 nights I've felt good after running. Today has not been an easy day, as far as pain and fogginess goes, so we'll see if the exercise helps tonight.

I had an MRI of the brain and spine again today. Lying on my back seems to cause more head and neck pain, so you can imagine how pleasant that experience was. But I got through it, and I guess I'll get the results tomorrow.

And after my week off, I'm back on my chemo pill of Xeloda...which doesn't seem to have negative side effects for me. Actually, I seem to feel worse when I'm off it. We'll see how this works out this week.

I'm leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So, don't be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27)

Working on Reading

2009-01-26T19:06:00.004-06:00

Last week Max's teacher politely told me that she's basically trying to help him initiate playing with other kids. This doesn't surprise me, as Max can be very sensitive. He also has a couple friends that he plays with no problem, but these consist of only girls. I need to get him playing with other boys his age as well.

However, even though I know there are some social issues we need to work on, Max is starting to read, and probably nothing excites me more! We've been using the book How to Teach Your Child to Read in a 100 Easy Lessons. It's the same book I'd used with Cameron. And Max has picked up on it rather quickly. Today he read his first "Bob" Book "Go Bus." That was very exciting to me. I look forward to more reading time with Max. The way I see it, if Max is reading by Kindergarten, then that's one less thing the teacher needs to be responsible for him....especially since now I just read in the paper that class sizes are going to go UP again in his school district.

I'm going to be having more tests done. I'm due for an MRI on Wednesday. I've been having a lot of neck and head pain at night. Also, standing up and down sometimes brings on major lightheadednesss and pain. A couple times I have almost fallen. And then sometimes, I'm completely fine, just need a minute or two to let the pain subside, and then all is back to normal. There's so much about this cancer that makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. I'm starting to feel like I'm going backwards again as far as mental competence goes. I've been fine, feeling great, and yet these past couple days the anxiety and confusion that I experienced before is starting to come on. I'm also not sleeping well at night. The steroids they make me take has something to do with that....but it's more too. And yet, on better notes, I walked and ran on the treadmill this morning and that felt great.

Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Good Things

2009-01-24T02:59:00.007-06:00

More good news. When they checked the cells from my latest lumbar puncture, there were less cancer cells. So I guess that means the chemo is working. Praise God! More details later when I'm awake enough to get them!

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Speaking of Praising God! Being positive and seeing His glory in our lives is something I have been trying to focus on lately. I need to get better...much better...especially with my kiddos and my husband. And I am not preaching, or being righteous, as I am so guilty in this area of my life. But here I sit at 3 AM, saying that maybe this weekend we can all take a little time to be a little extra happy, a little extra patient with each other. I'm going to try.
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It seems to be movie time lately around here. With unbelievably bitter cold temperatures, is there really much else to do!?!

Tonight I went with a couple of my girlfriends to go see Revolutionary Road with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio. I thought it was an odd combination at first, considering their Titanic connection, but the acting was so good, you never connect the characters to the old film. With that said, it was a long, drawn-out movie. My husband would have hated it. But I think it brings on really good discussion...especially with girlfriends. So if you see it, allow time for coffee or something afterwards. But if you're looking for a happy flick.....this is not the one. I'm still trying to get someone to see Bride Wars with me. Why not...need a little fluff from time to time.

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Job 8:21
He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with happy shouting.

Another full day ... feeling good

2009-01-21T16:55:00.005-06:00

The lumbar puncture went fine. I'm still feeling a little soreness from the procedure, but I'm sure that will go away. I was able to walk for 1/2 hour today on the treadmill. And my day has been pretty full with the kids and such. If you live in the area, here's a fun place to let your kids run: Little Kids Big City

My husband and I did get to see the movie Slumdog Millionaire today. According to a radio show I listen to, it was an uplifting movie. It's not. It has a "happy" ending. But if you're looking for a movie filled with cheer, this is not it. It IS a really great movie though, and one that you should go see. I highly recommend it. FYI, a companion Young Adult book to go with the movie would be Sold, by Patricia McCormack.

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This is the day which the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

All around

2009-01-19T19:18:00.004-06:00

I have another lumbar puncture tomorrow to inject more chemo into the spine. I feel like I just had this done. But I guess it was 2 weeks ago. I'll have to lie flat for most of the morning. Wish I could put a TV on my ceiling.

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Watching Top Chef has me thinking I should try to be a chef. My previous way of making meatloaf involved an egg, some packet of seasoning, and ground meat. My recipe today was a Martha Stewart one that one of my neighbors made for me last year. As I was making it today, all I could say to myself was, "What was I thinking?" Here's the recipe. It is quite good, but very time consuming....at least by my standards. On tomorrow's menu....scallops. Never made them before, but they're sitting in my freezer. Might as well figure out how to use them.

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I am very annoyed about this peanut butter scare. My son eats PB & J for lunch almost every single day.

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I'm excited for a new President...finally.

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"Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food." - Genesis 1:29

Blessings

2009-01-18T22:14:00.004-06:00

My husband and I celebrated our 11th anniversary this weekend. Nothing fancy. A really good dinner. We tried a movie....3 times. Who know Slumdog Millionaire was going to be such a popular movie. Even when we purchased tickets in advance, there were no seats available come movietime. We usually see movies during the week...guess we ought to stick to that routine.

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I'm feeling better in a lot of ways, in that I want to try to get things back to normal as possible. As long as I can keep adjusting to the pain in my head and the lightheadedness I continue to experience throughout the day when I'm getting up and down, then I think I'll be fine. I'm not sure why the pain in my neck and head continues, but my oncologist said I need to continue to allow time for the pill chemo and the lumbar puncture chemo to work (another round on Tuesday). I'm trying to be patient.

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Physically I am getting stronger. I can even lift Ella up a little, and before I could not do that at all. I don't feel as fatigued all the time, and my mind is clear. So I praise God for all the wonderful blessings he has bestowed on me lately.

Ephesians 1:3 (NIV)Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.