UnDomestic

Writings of a teachermom, choosing to stay home with her kids, while loathing all domestic responsibilities! In late Aug. 2008, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation, I was given theall clear. However, in the late summer of 2008, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, which metasticized to other areas.

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Dear Cari

I miss you so much. Words cannot explain the loss that I feel without you. Just reading this now seems trivial compared to what I feel. I need you. I was told following your death that writing to you would make me feel better. You know what I said to that! I’m still the skeptic you married. Nevertheless, months after the suggestion, I find a strong urge to do this. It is now 5am and we just arrived in Orlando last night for the first time without you. I haven’t been able to sleep. I wish so much that you were here.

Our arrival was classic. You know how we used to say that the best part of our vacations here is walking out of the airport into “the Orlando Air”. Well our kids seem to agree. It was only about 50 degrees, but you might have thought it was 90 degrees listening to Cameron. He was so excited. He told Sara that he should have brought a tank top because he was sweating! Cameron also wanted to know, “How do they make it look so pretty?” Max exclaimed, “ l love the smell of the air”. Cameron agreed. Ella, as you know, usually comments on the “coconut trees”, but not this time. She was pretty quiet. I think the late flight wore her down.

The resort we’re staying at is great! It’s funny as I could imagine your thoughts as I took a look around. I know exactly what you would say about everything I saw. I just wish that I could actually hear you say it. The people are friendly. Despite our late arrival the kids have been surprisingly good. Sara claims that she saw an armadillo. No one else saw it. So for our whole walk to find a place to eat Cameron was teasing Max (who you know was deathly afraid) about seeing the armadillo. All three of the resort restaurants were closed so after walking the kids back to the room, we ended up ordering Carryout from Wendys.

It wasn’t a bad night. Love you. Melvin

126 Comments:

At 3:02 PM, Blogger Andrea said...

What a beautiful way for you to feel closer to Cari. Thank you for sharing.
I hope you have a very blessed trip and that you feel God's peace when you long for Cari.

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger sprinkles said...

What a beautiful letter! Reading it made me cry. I feel for you and your family so so much. I thought about you a lot over the holidays and am glad to hear that everyone is doing well.

They say time heals all wounds. I don't know if that's true but I do hope it at least helps take the sting of losing Cari a little more bearable.

I've already created a luminaria for Cari which will be part of the ceremony for our local Relay For Life event. The relay is in mid-June. Please let me know if you'd like the luminaria afterwards by emailing me at deedeers30 @ hotmail . com and providing me with your address. I'd be happy to send it to you.

 
At 8:48 PM, Anonymous kc said...

I check this blog and think of your family all the time. I'm so pleased that you wrote.

I loved this letter. The kids are hilarious.

 
At 12:15 AM, Blogger cg said...

Your family are in my thoughts constantly, thank you for writing to Cari.

 
At 3:07 PM, Blogger LH said...

It was good to read this. I've been thinking about all of you.

 
At 8:11 PM, Blogger Caro said...

Melvin,

You have all been on my mind, especially during the holidays.

I still come by this blog to see Cari. I miss her sense of humor and her innate goodness.

She made a huge difference in so many lives.

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger JJ said...

Melvin, what a beautiful note. Thank you so much for sharing. I've followed Cari's blog for a long while and her death hit me hard. I think of all of you often and reading your post made me smile. It's nice to read an update on the kids. Please know that your family is still in my prayers.

 
At 12:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

melvin -
you and the kids, as well as cari, have continued to be in my thoughts ... especially during this holiday season. she lives on; with every thought, every word , every image. how generous of you to share your words with us. thank you.

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Kimberly said...

I've visited Cari's blog so many times since she's passed, I can't begin to count. What was I looking for? I can't really say. Maybe just a glimpse of the encouraging and strong woman God helped her to be!! I thank you for choosing this forum to share your letter with Cari. Your precious memories of her have proven to help jog MY memories of the dear friend Cari was to me. Maybe if you continue your heartfelt letters here, you can bundle those up in volumes for your children, as well. They will never forget the wife, mom, and friend she was!! Hugs and our continued prayers from the Moteberg Family

 
At 1:46 PM, Anonymous Sara said...

I really did see an armadillo I swear!! Melvin made fun of me and said it was probably just a rock...but it was moving and had a long nasty tail!


Melvin we should figure out how to put the pictures from the trip on here too!

 
At 1:47 PM, Anonymous terry said...

Melvin, waiting for your writings for some time..... Hope you and the kids are well
Terry nad Regina

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger Kristi said...

Thank you for writing, Melvin. Like others, I also continue to stop by Cari's blog, reading old posts and wishing I knew her personally. Your family will continue to be in my prayers...

 
At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Melvin, thank you for writing such a beautiful letter; I was crying through the whole thing. I visit Cari's blog often, not sure what I'm expecting, but I at least get to see her picuture again. I think of you and the kids daily, keeping you in my prayers, especially during the holidays. Thank you so much for the pictures of the kids. I sincerely appreciate receiving updated photos of them. Love to all of you, Eileen & Conrad

 
At 6:27 PM, Anonymous Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Great Blog! You are a credit to the cancer blogging community. I have added you to my blogroll, “Cancer Blogs” with over 700 other cancer blogs at www.beingcancer.net, a cancer networking site featuring a cancer book club, guest blogs, cancer resources, reviews and more.
If you have not visited in a while, please stop by. If you agree that the site is a worthwhile resource for those affected by cancer, please consider adding Being Cancer to your own blogroll. And like bloggers everywhere, I love receiving your comments and ideas.
Take care, Dennis

 
At 8:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Melvin-
As others have done, I have checked this blog several times since September. I don't know what I expected. It was nice to hear about your family again. I think writing to Cari was a great idea and thank you for sharing your thoughts. I still pray for Cari on a regular basis and for your family. Keep enjoying the memories and sharing them with your chldren.

 
At 9:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Motown Mel-
Thinking of you and your family.

 
At 11:44 AM, Blogger Fantastic Four said...

I have checked this blog weekly since Cari passed. I used to check it 2-3 times a day, as I loved reading everything she wrote! We think of you and the kids often and always wonder how you're doing. It's not the same without Cari and I would be a fool to tell you that things will get better. We still struggle with the loss of Tom's father. Everyday is hard enough and then we add in the holidays. All I can say...You are doing a wonderful job and it shows in the kids! Cameron is always such a delight to be around...I am sure he told you plenty of stories about Felicity the day he was over here! She had him laughing so hard with that giggle of his!

What a great letter you wrote and I hope you continue to post more! I am sure Cari is smiling! Take care and we are always here for you! The Sanneman Family

 
At 8:21 AM, Blogger cindy said...

NOthing I can say will ease your pain. We suffered the loss of our 16 year old son, Joshua, who would now be 23. I told Cari once that I wished my kids could have been taught by her. She was incredible.

Thank you for giving us a peek into your lives now. I've often wondered how Cameron, Max and Ella were doing. And how you were holding up.

Nedless to say there were many tears shed when Cari left this world. Then I read your post and there are more tears.

Peace, hope and joy. Strive to attain these. Gosh, it is the toughest thing to do. You have to for Cari and your 3 little ones.

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger zuzamoll said...

Hi...I am after a bilateral mastectomy...take care:)

 
At 2:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi cari. i've been thinking about you a lot lately. i miss your words.

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger François said...

Je ne sais pas comment j’ai atterri ici... Je ne sais pas comment cela se fait que je sois ici aujourd’hui...
Pourquoi ai-je pensé à Cari Spitz à l’instant ?
Je suis en train de chercher des auteurs qui pourraient écrire des articles sur la recherche documentaire informatique. Pourquoi ai-je pensé que Cari Spitz était peut-être devenue enseignante, documentaliste ou universitaire ? À priori, il n’y avait aucune raison.
J’ai tapé son nom dans un moteur de recherche en pensant ne rien trouver et j’aurais mille fois préféré ne rien trouver...

Un million de choses à dire, un million de choses à penser.

Deux fois trois semaines, moins que rien à l’échelle d’une vie et pourtant, 21 ans plus tard, je me souviens encore de toi.
Je ne pourrais même pas compter le nombre de personnes dont j’ai été bien plus proche, que j’ai côtoyés bien plus longtemps et dont je n’ai gardé aucun souvenir. Dix ans après avoir lâché la machine verte je ne me rappelle même plus le nom ni le visage de beaucoup de mes soldats; j’ai sûrement oublié certains des autres lieut’ de mon régiment. Années après années, je vais finir par oublier la plupart de mes élèves, de mes collègues, de tous ces gens que je croise et auxquels je crois m’attacher. Mais 21 ans après, je me souviens encore de Cari Spitz...
Le voyage à Richmond, le concert de Bon Jovi à Indianapolis et tout un tas d’autres instants magiques ou futiles.
Où a-t-il disparu le printemps de nos 16 ans ? Où s’en est-elle allée notre jeunesse, maintenant que l’année 1989 est entrée dans des livres d’Histoire qui n’en ont retenu que l’automne et la chute d’un mur ?

Je ne t’ai pas oubliée et je t’ai retrouvée. 21 ans après, 6 mois trop tard...

Il faudra beaucoup de temps à mon anglais rouillé pour lire et comprendre tout ce qu’il y a sur ces pages, mais en te voyant sur ces photographies, entourée de tes enfants, de ton mari, de ta famille, je sais au moins pourquoi après tant d’années je pensais encore à toi : tu étais, tout simplement, quelqu’un d’inoubliable.

Mademoiselle Cari Spitz, Madame Cari Spitz Ashford, malgré nos rêves et nos promesses d’adolescents, nous ne nous reverrons pas dans cette vie...
Tu resteras, à jamais, présente dans mon cœur et dans mon esprit; tu es aujourd’hui et pour toujours, mon morceau d’Amérique à moi...

Regrets éternels.

François Moussavou – FRANCE.

 
At 2:43 AM, Blogger Elyse said...

Melvin, your letter was so very sweet and honest. I pray for you and your beautiful children from over here in California. I hadn't been back here since Cari's passing but I find myself thinking of your family often, as my mother also battles this disease. Very best to all of you.

 
At 6:10 AM, Blogger Fantastic Four said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARI! Thinking of you today and how much you are missed!

 
At 10:24 AM, Blogger Velvet Over Steel said...

What an incredibly strong and awesome man you are! Keeping the traditions, vacations, etc. and sharing the constant memory of your wife with your children and the world. YOu are helping your children, family, friends and people like me who you don't even know, more than you can imagine. My thoughts and prayers are with you all! ~ Coreen

 
At 3:33 AM, Anonymous Bettina - the nanny from the overlands said...

Dear Melvin,

what a beautiful note. I check this blog so many times and your letter makes me cry every single time.
Thank you so much for the pictures of the kids. I often think about them - and miss them!
Please know that Cari, you and your wonderful kids are in my prayers - I´ve lighted up a candle in our church in austria.
I am sure Cari loves your letters you wrote - as I do!

 
At 7:52 PM, Anonymous Y. Mims said...

Dear Melvin,

What a beautiful expression of love you have written to your beautiful wife Cari. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, you are truly a beautiful person. My prayer for you, Cameron, Max and Ella is for the presence of GOD bring you a comforting peace that fill your hearts when you think of Cari. I send my love to you and your three beautiful children. May GOD strengthen your Faith as you stand strong for your family.

Sincerely,
Y. Mims

 
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At 2:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just found this blog as I was researching and it caught my eyes so I stopped to read it. The letters, stories and comments gripped my heart. I do not cry easily but it brought me to tears. It will soon be a year since Cari's passing, however, I am mourning for the family. I wish I would have known her. I am certain that only is Cari proud of all of you, but she is watching over you very closely; your personal guardian angel. I will send prayers for all of you. Rose

 
At 4:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please update us on how your family is doing. Thank you.

 
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At 1:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a little disappointed that there hasn't been an update on here over a year. I know that Melvin is not the original blogger. But there are so many people that Cari touched, who want to know how the children are doing & how the rest of family is doing. I'm sorry that it may be selfish to ask this, but I feel like I was close to Cari. I still look on this blog a couple of times a week, hoping there's been an update. We miss you Cari.

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger MB said...

IN HONOR OF CARI
(3-19-73)
Dear Family and Friends,

As most of you may know, I am now a Consultant for Usborne Books & More. This is a company that publishes entertaining and educational children books. I chose this path for two main reasons:

First, I believe that the future of our nation is the education of our children. And I wanted to be a part of this national movement in some way. Therefore, I took the path of employment with one of the best children book companies in the industry.

Second, I have a personal mission to honor our daughter, Cari. As you all may know, Cari had a passion for English Literature and instilling her love of reading into her students. She was an awesome educator and I hope to carry on her Legacy by proudly offering children books and products that will impact them for a life time.

On Saturday, March 19th, is Cari’s birthday. My desire is to dedicate this day in Cari’s memory by offering a book show at my sister Nancy's house in NJ on Saturday – 3/19 at 6PM and simultaneously setting up an e-show on my web-site (click on site below). That way everyone (whether in New Jersey, Minnesota, Michigan, Pennsylvania, etc) will have an opportunity to view and purchase these amazing books, which in turn will benefit a child with hours of enjoyment and educational value. My intent is to remember Cari each year in this very special way so that her spirit and joy of reading will be passed on to our children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews and friends. Another way this can be done is to purchase a book and donate it to your local school or community library. Again, what a beautiful way to carry on Cari’s legacy!

I sincerely hope you will all join together with our family in this beautiful gesture of celebrating Cari’s memory. Also, all profits of this event will be donated to Breast Cancer Research – Triple Negative Cancer.

Much love,

Mary Beth Spitz

Usborne Books & More - We bring you the books kids love to read!

E-Show Hosted by: Nancy DiSeveria/Mary Beth Spitz

www.ubah.com/HOS193893

When: Today thru 3/25/2011 11:59:00 PM

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger Snowbrush said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I think that the worst thing that could happen to me would be for my wife to die.

 
At 7:24 PM, Blogger Sweetie1313 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger Sweetie1313 said...

What a beautiful note to Cari, Melvin. I just stumbled across this blog - Cari's strength and your love really touched my heart. Thinking of you and your kids and hope you are well. Sylvia

 
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At 11:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have not visited this blog since Cari passed away. I was happy to see the domain name is still active. Please Melvin, if you get a chance, update us with how you & the children are doing and post a picture or two. Cari really did seem like family to some of us, after reading her blog every day for a couple of years!
We still think about her & want to know that her family is doing ok...

 
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I wish we could get an update on how they are doing now...How are you all in 2013/almost 2014???

 
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